Wow, cannot fucking sleep.

 For some reason or other I am sitting here, thinking in an awfully serious vein about my life, my job, my relationships, and my space in this whole universe.

 Fuck, why me?

 This is perhaps a touch too much booze talking, and for that I apologize folks, but all is not always cherries and cream here at the Church Of Spring Thomas....

 Depressed? Perhaps. But fear not, I will survive.

 I blog daily about my crush on a pornstar who screws black dudes.

 And other girls with the same talents.

 My girlfriend is rapidly approaching shrew status, even though she's closer in age to collecting Social Security than she is to my age. I think about calling it quits with her, except for the fact that I'm not fond of being alone, and she just happens to spread her legs twice a week for me.

 My job sucks.

 I drink too much.

 I eat a pizza and I jiggle for a fucking week.

 My family thinks I'm a loser. The 30-something cupcake who lives across the hall from me thinks I'm a loser too. She always gives me that hairy eyeball look when we pass or chat idly in the laundry room. She's terrified I'm gonna ask her out I think.

 In just a few hours I will drag myself to a diner I frequent, eat scrambled eggs and 4 slices of toast with apple jelly, and try to read the paper while a trio of old dudes argue nearby. I stumbled into a chat of theirs almost a year ago, and now they think I'm their buddy.

 The waitress thinks I'm a loser too, I believe. She's a tired-looking Russian broad with bleached blonde hair and a few too many miles on her. Great eyes though. You can tell, she was a fucking knockout, probably in the late 1980's or so. We talk sometimes and maybe I could ask her out.

 But if I get shot down, I'd pretty much OFFICIALLY be a loser, right?

 And through all this fucking fog, I wonder what Spring Thomas is doing? If my infatuation for her is something within myself?

 Or one of the princesses.

 Is Lexi Mathews curled up watching TV right now?

 Is Barbie Cummings in bed with a lover?

 But more importantly,

 Am i going to run out of Kahlua?