Self esteem Blog for Women

• 3/30/2008 - ' Family' Where did it go?

Today we live in a world of such different morals and priorities compared to yesterday.
I know that that sounds like something all of our parents and grandparents have said to us, but in actual fact the changes that have occurred in the last 50 years have been the most drastic and self-destructing!

Families of yesterday and today are so completely opposite that they tend to be foreign to each other.

Does it ever make you wonder why?
When I take a few minutes to just breathe, I cannot help but wonder how we, the people, have reached this point of existense. The point where the norm is now blended families, children with cell phones, sex in the middle schools, worse yet, a common conversation between people in a social environment or a workplace is now, nine time out of ten about their 'EX'.

Is it economics or the strive for women's equality?
Is it due to the fact that at the time of World War 2, women were placed in the work force because of the shortage of men?

I feel that by placing women in the workforce, presented opportunities for women and men to become more sociable with each other, which in turn created the question of whether their choice in mates was fulfilling or satisfying them. The beginning of a relationship threat!
Certain comparisons and doubts would begin when things at home were maybe not going as well as expected. Eventually that special person at home is not so special anymore. All of a sudden people at work seem so much more understanding and have more to offer. They seem to have it so much better! All of a sudden a commitment becomes just a bunch of letters and our self serving self gains control at all costs.

Then we have the crossroad when women began to demand certain equal rights.
It was not enough to just help out the economy and work in factories, now women wanted to have a choice of where they wanted to work. They began to demand choices of workplace. They demanded to be heard!

With women in the work force becoming a norm, where does that put the children of the then 'Family'?
It puts them in front of the television, being taught by a babysitter, raised in a daycare with other, 'wanted but have no time for' children. Last but not least the children become somewhat of a burden on the parents conscience. At that point the material world begins. The material substitutes begin to replace the love and affection that only time and presence can strengthen a child's confidence and self-esteem. Again the 'Family' changes!
The children of the new 'Family', become more independent and indifferent of what we may have know as 'Family'.
The husband and bread winner of the then 'Family' is now feeling less needed, less important and very much less than a man. This is where he begins to doubt himself and see his partner as a threat, not necessarily an equal. Another relationship threat!

We move forward to technology. Which is being proven to be a faster means to an end. People feel the need to shine and impress others outside of their families these days. The priorities have swung totally to the other side of life's pendulum.

The then 'Family' is no longer necessary nor does it fit the lifestyle of today. People care less about working on whats real and necessary to feed and strengthen a real 'Family', than they do about the biggest television screen, the newest car, pleasing everyone else but their 'Family'. The material world once again takes over the then 'Family'.

Some will ask, "who cares why we are at this point in life and why worry about what is already in the past?
It is not a matter of caring or worrying as it is a matter of understanding and just maybe redirecting some of our morals and ideas in our 'Family' unit.
After all is it not fact that our children are our future?

What exactly are you doing about setting precedent in your home besides talking or complaining about how awful things are becoming in our world?

We can learn from the 'Family' that holds tight and stays the course to keep their values positive and healthy.
Just in my slight comparison of 'Family', then and now, you can see where things have become unbalanced, self-centered, and full of negativity.
We can move forward with positive thoughts that will direct us to a more positive life if we CHOOSE to!

My thoughts do not apply to all people, but they do cover a large percentage of people in todays world.
I am not against equal rights.
I am however against equal rights for just women or just men. I am against unequal rights and extreme selfishness which is altogether different.
When men and women can understand that we are all people, I do believe then and only then will we be able to get along equally!

Live & Let Live!
~D~
DorothyL@womensselfesteem.com

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• 3/27/2008 - Liar Liar....!

Liar liar...pants on fire....

As children we had already little rhymes that taught us that lies were not a good thing.

Lying, as any learned behavior is a very bad habit as are any negative habits... there are many reasons that people lie.
To lie with deliberation is definitely a control of one being self served.
Lying with out deliberation is where the habit has become a part of that persons way of life, being undeliberate now, which I beleive is even worse, because a person that is a habitual liar cannot not even differentiate reality from non reality. This person is dangerous and can be very confusing to live with.
Drug/alcohol addicts will fall into this lying area more than the controlled one because of the merry-go-round they are on. Lying becomes a way of survival and they will do it with pure passion and need to feed thier hunger.

IS lying a necessary part of life?
Hmmmm... Lets think about where we began:
When we are babies, do we lie?
Do we learn to play the game of control then?
Do babies cry because they know that they will be served through that action, or are they taught that crying will be self-serving?
Children will lie when they are taught that they can get away with something through that type of manipulation, or when they are lied too.
I remember when I was taught to lie...I went to the store for my mother and had change, with that change I bought a candy...when I went home, my mother asked me why I was ten cents short, and she continued..saying that if I tell her the truth I will not be scolded, so I told her the truth and she punished me severely.
Now unfortunately that was when my trust went down the tubes and from that point on, I lied in certain cases to protect myself.
A couple of not so good behaviours were taught to me from that one incident...I learnt to lie when I had to and I also learnt that my mother could not be trusted with her words.
From that day on, I learnt to play the game.
White lies as opposed to black lies: does that mean that white lies are good and black lies are bad?
Is that saying that lying has a positive means?
It can be very confusing, as most humans are.
A lie is a lie I have always tried to teach my children. When you lie to protect yourself it is still in a sense, self-serving which we are taught is wrong?
To lie to deceive another is definitely clearly wrong.
I would say that there are definitely gray areas when it comes to telling lies. But that it is not a necessary to life.

It depends on the person and their conscience. I know some people that could not tell a lie if their lives depended on it and I know people that will lie and will follow that lie with justification that they will bet their lives on.

I beleive it is a true learned behaviour as are so many of our negative emotions.
Also if we lived in a perfect world, would we ever have to feel like we have to lie?
Our world is full of negativity and elements of trickery and sometimes in order to battle these wars we need to use weapons that are not so positive to fight them.

We will never be able to control nor understand others in their methods to their madness. Live and let live is my way of thinking. We are only responsible for what we can control, that being our own minds and intentions!

Life can be confusing enough in our own little corners without trying to solve the worlds confusions.
Pandora Boxes are definitely a good brain twister and does wake up a lot of sleeping giants in Jacks beanstalk

In any case practising and sharing positive habits and honesty will invite positive habits and honesty in return.

As Lyfe Jennings sings,"When you are trying to do positive things, positive results have got to follow"

Thats all I have to say about that!!!

Huggggzzzzz~D~!

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• 3/16/2008 - Bullying !! Where does it begin? Where does it end?

We were born into a safe world...only knowing the sound of our mother and father maybe even a sibling.

We feared nothing, we hated no one, we trust everything and everyone that we recognized.
We cried only when our bodies told us that we are in hunger or in pain.
We did not know the pain and loneliness of words...YET!
We grew in trust and belief in our early years because we had nothing else to compare our lives with YET!

Why does this safe world and total feeling of healthy self-worth and self-esteem stop?

The we enter our first year in the education system...all of a sudden things become contrary to what we knew up to then. We hear how different life can be in different households. We see how different others dress, eat and act towards others. We begin to grow away from our nest.

We move forward and continue into another year, then another, all along gathering memories of life as we experience it in the world of growth. Some memories are good and some are not so good. Some of us are strong enough to stand up to the negativity we experience and move along smoothly. Others are not so strong and fall into a whirlwind of abuse cycles called bully-ism and the abuse that goes along with that.

We fear not being accepted and then we fear that if we do not allow the abuse from the bullies that we will never get any attention ever from them. So in turn we allow the abuse. We become our own abusers of sorts. WE become driven to gain an acknowledgment or acceptance of any kind just to feel that we are alive in their eyes.

What do these bully's have over us, that we will allow, even welcome the abuse? Abuse that takes form in so many ways, whether it be physical, name calling, hazing, ridiculing and/or sexual harassment.

Where do these bullies come from?

Where do they learn to hurt and hate just in the name of fun?

What about the kids that just follow along because of their fear of not being accepted? Are they bullies too?

There are many sides to this horrible world of bullies and victims. The bully had to learn or not learn civilized treatment of others somewhere. As I mentioned in the beginning of this article, we were born without hate and fear.

Where did the victim loose their sense of self-respect?

Their strength to stand up and say STOP or NO?

These are questions that we must find the answers to if we are ever going to begin to learn how to overcome the issue of bullying.

Our children are becoming bullies and victims because of how they feel about themselves inside and/or what they are perceiving is simply fun and games.

I have attached a story that comes from my community. This is way to close to home even for me.

Please read this and instead of reading the names of the children that you see...replace the names with your children's names.

Do not be fooled...this is a reality that your children and mine are living every day even if they do not make you aware of it.

*****************************************************************************************************************

Police: 3 DeLand school teens plotted murder

By ROSA RAMIREZ
Staff Writer DELAND -- Three DeLand Middle School students, including one who claimed to admire the shooters of the Columbine High School massacre, face felony charges for reportedly plotting to shoot classmates and then themselves, authorities said Friday.
The Volusia County Sheriff's Office took all three students -- two boys and a girl -- into custody and is charging them with conspiracy to commit murder. The three seventh-graders have been transported to the Volusia Regional Juvenile Detention Center in Daytona Beach, sheriff's spokesman Gary Davidson said.

The teens were identified by authorities as Austin Mohr, Tyler Christian and Charlene Russell, all 13. Davidson said the State Attorney's Office will determine if the teens will be charged as juveniles or adults.

Davidson said the plot was uncovered March 5 after a student who was not involved received a text message from Austin Mohr saying he wanted to shoot students at the school during lunch break. The teen who received the instant message told a family member, and the adult notified authorities.

Mohr posed as a 19-year-old boy on a MySpace Web page with "satanic references, a picture of a tombstone and other disturbing images," Davidson said in a statement.

Mohr had also posted on the social network site that he admired two shooters responsible for the 1999 massacre at Columbine High School in Colorado.

In the text message, Mohr directed his rage against two students, in particular, but went on to say he would kill "every person I see . . . The massacre will happen soon."

The teen, who claimed he was being teased and picked on at school, wrote that he wanted to lock the cafeteria door during one of the lunch periods and shoot people there, authorities said.

"The good news is that several people did the right thing along the way," Davidson said Friday during a news briefing at the middle school. "It enabled us to begin the investigation very quickly. The (principal) was instrumental in identifying some of the students involved in the conspiracy."

Showing up at the news briefing, Charlene Russell's sister, Melissa, 16, said her sister "has never been like this before."

Melissa Russell said her sister was in choir, made good grades and was on the honor roll. But after breaking up with her boyfriend, she "just has been talking about doing nothing."

Charlene Russell feels bad and would take it back if she could, her sister said. After Austin Mohr started talking about plans for the shooting, Charlene Russell "went along with it because she didn't know what else to do," Melissa Russell said.

Days earlier, Melissa Russell said, her sister lay on a set of railroad tracks in Orange City and had to be pulled away minutes before a train rolled by.

Attempts to reach relatives of the other teens were not successful Friday evening.

After the threats came to light, all three students received mental-health evaluations, Davidson said, including one who was taken into a facility under the state's Baker Act.

"The investigators determined the students did not appear to have weapons or means to carry out the threats," he said.

The students were automatically removed from the school when the plot was uncovered, Davidson said.

Volusia County Schools spokeswoman Nancy Wait said DeLand Middle School Principal Matt Krajewski sent a message to parents after news of the events was released Friday, stressing that students' safety on campus was not compromised at any time.

"We learned a lot from Columbine, and one of the lessons was to listen and take action," Wait said.

Wait said the students meet weekly for 20 minutes during homeroom to talk about bullying on campus.

"This school has a very strong anti-bullying campaign," Wait said.

rosa.ramirez@news-jrnl.com

~D~

DorothyL@womensselfesteem.com

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Women's Self-esteem Blog by DorothyL@womensselfesteem.com

• 3/30/2008 - ' Family' Where did it go?

• 3/27/2008 - Liar Liar....!

• 3/16/2008 - Bullying !! Where does it begin? Where does it end?

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