Who? Me?

Posted on 11/3/2005 at 8:08 AM - Post Comment

Whenever I go through something BIG or stressful, I treat it as an opportunity to study human nature. At least that's how I handle those things now. When my beloved Instaloans was sold last April I was devastated. But I saw an opportunity to learn how people behave in this type of situation. While not surprised often, I was disappointed too many times.

My surgery is another one of those opportunities and this time I'm going to try to be easier on myself and my fellow humans. The new job only adds to the "big-ness" of this time of my life. Not only do I have to find out who I am when I'm not Queen of Instaloans, but I have to try to figure out how to live as a thin person. I'm also experiencing a household with no children in it. And after 5 years of commuting, I am trying to figure out the best use of the extra 3 hours I have every day. Lots of things are changing.

If you have read any of my prior blogs you know that I love change. I see it as an opportunity to start over, particularly in areas of my life that need improvement. So in keeping with my philosophy, this is the biggest opportunity of my life so far. A week ago it was overwhelming and scarey. Today I am so thrilled and honoured for the opportunity. It's been a big week.

While far from thin yet, the 50 pounds I have lost has made a significant difference to my appearance. I'm only 5' tall after all, and losing a full 100 pounds will make me very petite. So I'm a lot thinner.

However, I haven't had much opportunity to really know this. I have really only seen my family and a couple close friends. I've noticed that I"m smaller of course. Afterall, none of my clothes fit, my ass is so bony that I can't sit for very long (nature can be cruel) and the face looking back at me from the mirror has fewer chins.

However, my family doesn't treat me any differently. But Monday I re-entered the world. I went back to work full time. I'm super-busy with our community theatre (Diary of Anne Frank opened last weekend to rave reviews and a packed house!). To gear up for my re-entry I got a fabulous new hair cut and colour, and bought a couple new outfits.

I have also decided to heighten the "new me" effect by implementing some habits that I have been studying. I am a people watcher. I spend a lot of time in airports so I have lots of time to watch. About 2 years ago I decided to start watching women that gave the image I was going for. What did they do that I didn't? It was quite simple. They have manicures, expensive hair cuts and wear high heels.

So out I went to the real world again. Nice outfit, 50 pounds thinner, amazing shoes, my nails manicured and hair trendy yet professional. An d once again my fellow human beings did not disappoint.

I have been handling "front of house" for our theatre group for 3 years (6 shows and over 20 performances). This is my job for several reasons: partly because my work schedule is too demanding to allow me to take a role on stage. But mostly because of my "schmooze" abilities.

Anything in a small community is a challenge. For some reason more people complain in a small town and I am in charge of keeping the whiners happy. I turn on the charm and with a very high rate of success I can turn a grump into a supporter. I'm an outgoing individual and if I decide to participate in something I will most likely stand out as a leader.

But the big thing is that I must first decide to participate. In my people watching hours, I have noticed that "attractive" people are treated differently than the rest of us. People iniative conversations with them, offer them spots in line and many other courtesies. I'm FAR beyond this bothering me. I find it interesting and in some ways kind of sad.

So, unless I decide to put myself into a conversation or other gathering, I haven't experienced a lot of effort by others to get to know me. Again, this doesn't bother me. I like it in fact. I put my nose in books on the flights to avoid the chit-chat.

But I am conducting an experiment of human behaviour. And I notice that things are different. The changes are subtle, as are the changes in my appearance to date. But there are changes. There is more eye contact; more smiles and once I literally asked "Are you talking to me" when a total stranger sat beside me just now (I'm in the airport as I type) and started talking.

There is so much more to say but my flight is boarding.

This is it.

My new life has started.

And I am loving it.