Delusional?

Posted on 11/23/2005 at 8:08 AM - Post Comment

Yesterday I was called delusional. The name-caller put up a pretty good argument, actually. But I'm not convinced.

Here are the points made:

1. You are in a serious state of denial. No one has THAT good of an attitude.

2. Perhaps you believe your own BS, but we aren't buying it.

3. You've never been able to be wrong. Your claims to happiness and inner growth are required in order for you to stay "right".

Wrapped up with the very interesting:

4. Think about it, Shona... if everyone around you believes differently, couldn't it just be that YOU is wrong?

Who was this person that felt so qualified to comment on my life? Well, that's the interesting part. It was my husband.

I don't write about my husband much. After 25 years, I still don't quite get our relationship. And I won't bore you with the details today (that's for another blog), but suffice it to say that we are the "opposites that attract". He lives his life under the banner "Hope for the best, but expect the worst." I say "You get what you expect. And that hope and luck are for lottery and bingo, not life or business."

I don't try to change him. At least not any more. and I spend more time smiling and nodding with him than with anyone else. Weird, eh?

But yesterday I was feeling especially on-top-of-the-world and made the mistake of commenting on one of his negative tirades.

I simply pointed out that there could have been extenuating circumstances for the person that annoyed him. I suggested he give him the benefit of the doubt, rather than assuming malicious intent. I then just pointed out a couple facts that supported this approach... facts that he had spouted during his re-telling of his day.

That's when he asked me if I truly believed that shit. And that's when I remembered that he isn't having a conversation with me. I am simply the audience to his monologue. I am the witness to "Life According to Steve".

I hope that doesn't sound bitchy or mean. I know that I can't control anyone's behaviour but my own. And I also knew that it was unlikely that ALL his changes would hold when we reconciled four years ago. And I'm here, aren't I? No one is holding a gun to my head.

It just gets dull sometimes. And once in a while I feel motivated to inject a more positive spin on life.

Mostly I feel pity for him. I can't imagine his life. I couldn't bear being so miserable all the time. He seems to like it though. I mean, it's his choice, right?

Or am I just delusional?

Jubil

Posted by Mmenrobuel on 11/23/2005 at 1:07 PM - Link

You aren't the only one, Toots. Yes, we are delusional. You are, likely, especially. The only thing to remember is that Steve is too. It's called a "point of view" and everyone's is different. Some people see the world one way and some see the world another. Sometimes people even Choose how they see the world, which is what you do, I think. I think your husband just has trouble with understanding that he could change his POV too. I'm pretty sure that a positive outlook has a very physical effect on the world around you, but aside from that, the power of our minds has been proved again and again. If we expect positive things then we just plain don't see some of the negatives. Some things that would be mountains to others become nothing, because we see them as challenges, not problems. It's just like that conspiracy theory. Nobody's out to get me, but the world is out to bless me. Plus, I know that you secretly enjoy being called delusional, so don't give me that. ;-P

Untitled Comment

Posted by ShrinkingWoman on 11/24/2005 at 7:23 AM - Link

Toots?