Is this blog over?

Posted on 12/28/2005 at 9:57 AM - Post Comment

I don't know what happened exactly. Blogging was one of my favorite parts of my day before my surgery. Now I just can't seem to get it back.

And then today I come on and the only new blogs are bloody advertising! But that is not going to discourage me. I know that one of the reasons I used to blog so consistently was because it was built into my day. I came to the office and allowed myself 30 minutes of blog time before I got going. Then my office here in my home town opened, but until today I was without internet. Perhaps I can get the routine back.

I was also dealing with a lot of anxiety before the surgery, and blogging was such a great way to deal with that anxiety. I felt the need to be dramatic, philosophical and reflective. And what better forum!

Then after the surgery I was a bit of a mess for a few reasons.

First was the slower recovery than I expected. Of course, now that I've been through major surgery I know what to expect. And I when I go for the big nip and tucks next year I won't be so demanding of myself. But still, at about 4 weeks when I still felt like shit, I was very depressed. At 7 weeks it was like a light switch and I feel better than ever.

I knew I would have to rediscover myself. The new job is a huge discovery for me. I've tied my existance to the job for so long and now I have a new job. The new job just isn't sparking my passion. I know that in time, it will. When we are 100 branches strong and I'm leading 300+ people again, I will feel the passion. But it isn't there right now.  I miss it. A lot.

This works out well for my community theater group though. I'm a woman with a lot of passion that needs an outlet. And since it isn't there with work, I've been putting a lot of it towards turning around our little theatre company. Over the last 2 years we managed to lose all the cash to 4 disasterous productions. As treasurer (and the smartest one in the group at the time) I knew it wa up to me to fix it. So I worked like a dog on The Diary of Anne Frank. And it was a huge success both financially and artistically. We actually doubled our budgeted profit!

I was so charged up with that success! And something else happened. I made some friends! Good friends I think. Did I mention earlier that I've always avoided friends? Good topic for another blog I guess.

So these new friends and I came up with a great idea for the Spring Production.

We recruited the best director in town and we are doing Steel Magnolias in March. And I have a part!

I'm so excited I can hardly stand it! I'm Ouiser. It's perfect for me. We've had 2 rehearsals already. I'm brilliant. It's my first role in 25 years. And I love the cast. And the director is awesome!

I honestly can not remember when my life was this fun.

Physically I'm doing extremely well! I've lost 64.5 pounds. My goal was to lose betwee 90 and 100 pounds so I'm getting there. I look pretty good but I feel FANTASTIC. I'm off all of my medications! I used to take 13 pills a day (10 for diabetes, 2 for high blood pressure and one for high cholesterol.

Every day, hell every HOUR, it seems that I am noticing things that are different for me. I can walk long distances now, I can lift a lot better, and I just fit better now. The world isn't made for large people.

People are treating me differently, as I've mentioned. But I've come to really see that it's because I am behaving differently. It rocks.

I need to have a job I love but that will happen. I've recently been approached about another job that is truly perfect for me. It's the early stages and I have to be very careful when making this descision. I'll blog about that soon.

So, this isn't advertising. I hope some of my old blog pals are still out there reading.

My life fucking ROCKS! This surgery is honestly one of the best things I've ever done. The only problem is that I am becoming an even bigger monster now. But as a wise man once wrote, I'd rather be some kind of monster than eaten by one. Or something like that.