Be happy. Or not.

Posted on 1/25/2006 at 10:40 AM - Post Comment

Happiness has been my quest for many years. Why happiness? Why not success, money, good deeds?

For me it started when I decided to take charge of my life and fix everything that was wrong. I had left the space where I felt at the world's mercy and finally understood that if another person was the cause of my problem it was because I allowed it.

The list I made of things to fix was extensive. It was a daunting task and often overwhelming. So I asked myself why did I want to fix these things. And of course the answer was "Because it would make me happy".

It became somehow less frightening to be on a single quest (for happiness) that entailed many aspects, than it was to be on a quest to find so many individual components.

It has made a huge difference in my life and I definitely consider myself to be one of the happiest people I know. I don't mean "cheerful". I've always been that. I mean deep-to-the-core satisfied with the direction my life is taking and very pleased with the many benefits I am able to enjoy.

Like any person in their pink cloud phase of enlightenment, I wanted to share my great discovery with everyone. I felt like I had discovered the secret to happiness and couldn't understand why everyone wouldn't want to jump on board. Surely everyone wants to be happy.

But that's not the case. Many unhappy people choose misery over happiness. Some just don't rank happiness high on their list of priorities. And others probably like to be miserable. And to those people I say whatever you want is fine by me. I can't say I understand it, but I appreciate the honesty.

It's to those that claim to want happiness, but just refuse to pay the price or do the work I say "don't whine to me then". I have a superior attitude in this regard. I am happy and successful and I'm not special. If I can do it, so can you.

The mistake I was making was to assume everyone needs to be happy. Or that "happiness" is the same as cheerful (but the genuine cheerfulness, not the mask).

Then came Ouiser. That's my character's name in Steel Magnolias. Ouiser is miserable and is ok with that. In fact, she takes comfort in it. I'm new to acting and am experimenting with different techniques. Part of my homework is to "be" Ouiser off-stage and to understand her.

What fun. There actually IS comfort in not giving a shit about happiness. Or rather, others' definition of it. In fact, I believe Ouiser is happy in her misery.

Maybe happiness comes when you understand and accept who you are. I'm pretty certain that happiness can be defined by a lack of... well, lacking. And if you are unhappy but do not desire anything else, then perhaps that in itself is a type of happiness.

Knowing Ouiser has changed my attitude about happiness. Perhaps it isn't the ultimate goal. "Satisfaction" is a better goal.

I am satisfied. And that makes me happy. :)