I really apologize for the way I sound right now,

If it's unclear at all man,

They've got my mouth wired shut for like - I don't know -

The doctor said like six weeks?

You know we had reconstruc- I had reconstructive surgery

On my jaw.

I looked in the mirror, half of my jaw was in the back of my mouth,

You know, I couldn't believe it.

I'm still here for y'all right now though,

This is what I gotta say right here...

'Topes lose! 'Topes lose!

It truly was "3 and out" for our young squad of heros, as they fell for the final time this dreary Wednesday afternoon. The on-field performance was unsinspired all around, as the team showed few signs of the previous game's tenacity. They failed to score again, leaving Eric Hoffman's two touchdowns last week as the only points this team ever generated.

As a result, I'm declaring myself team MVP, and requesting a waiver of my portion of the team's registration fee.

Just kidding. I wouldn't be so pompous. Everyone showed up to play at various points... my overall presence in this final game was of little consequence. I think I caught one pass. Though I did play well as a lockdown corner, our defeat was as much my fault as anyone's.

So there you have it, another head-scratchingly sad saga in the enterprise of intramural sports. There's still basketball season, or - if worst comes to worst - our hopes for a single team victory may lie in next spring's softball assembly.

Until then, it's the slopes for me. Not really, but if I keep climbing at a steady rate, I'll be in wicked shape for the consummation of my collegiate athletic career.

Now I'm gonna make a crazy divergence from this discussion. Get your cameras ready! You may not see this for another 30-50 years, children!

I'm actually starting to feel the tiniest, most infintismally small shred of sorriness for George W Bush. I still don't like him, or believe in him, or respect him in any way beyond the standard 'spect quota I give to everyone on earth.

I just feel bad for him because everything is finally starting to go to hell. After all the whatnot that he weathered for four years and a reelection, shit eventually had to hit the fan. But it's not all George's fault. His own people are turning against him, the Republican Regieme has overextended itself... Let's be honest, GW doesn't even know how to plug that fan in. He doesn't feel it's breeze, rather he relies on advisors to ensure him that it's there.

He's governed by instict - done exactly what his gut told him was right - and you must admire that in a leader. But now the gut-checks are getting bigger and bigger, and people are getting angrier and angrier at the administration's apparent disarray.

All George seems able to do right now is make punk-ish speeches, while furrowing his brow in a vain attempt to understand what's going on around him. Let's hope he doesn't totally lose it, as we must endure three more years of this nincompoop flipping important switches.

I can't fault Bush for who he is, and maybe in another era he could have been an OK president. But this man who barely squeaked out a pair of elections, has presided over one of the most significant period's of change in modern America. September 11th, a pair of wars, energy crisis, hurricanes, supreme court appointments, terrorists, battles over emerging technologies (stem cells), and existing governmental programs (social security)... all of this has been dropped into the lap of a man who couldn't even win the popular vote!

It's like an air traffic controller leaving some kid in charge of his post for a weekend. Everything is quiet when he leaves, but before long the kid's airspace is swarming with planes that he's helpless to direct. The kid shrugs his shoulders and asks, "What did you expect?" Which is similar to what Bush does, only with some random 9-11 reference tacked on the end.

Don't give up on us now, sir! There's time and means to right these wrongs. Somone just has to take charge and make some formidable decisions. We as a people need reason to believe our government is actually trying. Something we can sink our teeth into and say, "Mmmmm, that's good legislation. A little salty, but it really melts on the pallet."

Now I love the old staged-interview-with-soldiers-in-Iraq just as much as the next guy, but isn't there a more honest way to rally the American people?

I mean, George - Is it really that bad?! What are you so afraid of that you must script these public discussions of the war? Everyone knows the truth by now, or believes some patchwork version of it. Nothing is going to change by watching you yab with soldiers for 10-minutes to a loose script. Get a life man. Start seeing this shit through.

Your people are worried, that's why they're turning against you in the polls. They are worried because you seem worried; and no one's going to support a president who isn't up to presidential challenges. You're not gonna hide under a blanket for the duration of this term, you might as well find some bull and grab it by its horns. Even if its only a Red Bull, that would at least be a start.

As for this loopy trainwreck of your close confidants getting indicted, that's just kinda disturbing. Whatever happened to integridy? Not one of your buzzwords? Well you're only as strong as the weakest link in those around you. You've let one or two bad apples into your mixt, and least it wasn't anyone important (Campaign Advisor, Senate Majority Leader).

The bottom line is this George: Open your eyes. Spin yourself in a circle till you lose all sense of direction, then throw those ojos open and attack the first thing you see. You still have the power.

For now at least...