Christmas season is here! And just in time for the citizens of Who-ville.

As far as I'm concerned, the celebration of his birthday on December 25th is the only thing ol' Jesus was ever good for. Whether you're truly rejoicing the son of God, or just want some time to spend relaxing during the throes of winter, the holiday season hits the spot like a warm mug of egg nog.

With appropriate apologies to people celebrating Channuka (sp.), Kwanzaa, Boxing Day, or some non-Christian equivalent of the event, December 25th just does something special to the people of this country. There's a whole season built around it, and the day beforehand is a holiday in itself. Colored lights hang in every American city, television networks change their very tone, and Americans hit the stores like - well - only Americans can.

I'm actually excited to see the brawls and riots braking out at shopping centers around the nation. Sure, we're overindulging ourselves in consumerism, spending billions of dollars on things we don't need, and further alienating those cultures who just can't relate to unbridald capitalist joy. But you know what America? We've earned it.

Let's face it, 2005 was kind of a shitty year. The war is pressing on with perpetual ugliness, we got hit with more hurricanes than any time in recorded history, and our government has turned just about every issue into a giant clusterfuck. We've spent more time debating than we have celebrating. The red, white, and blue needs a break.

Do you really think increased gas prices are going to keep people away from the holiday deals? Hell no! Do you think we're gonna call the big tree on Capitol Hill a 'Holiday Tree' again this year? Hell no! Americans want their Christmas back.

They want to buy something for everyone they care about, and exchange it all in one tradition-laden morning (or evening if you're weird like that) because you know what? That makes for a damn good time.

Give us a few more weeks, and we'll go through a satisfying recharge that gets us ready for all the trials/tribulations that 2006 has planned. Until then, I suggest you roll up some holiday cheer, and smoke that shit down to your fingertips. Because there's no better time for Americans to remind themselves why life here is so great.

Ho! Ho! Ho!