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| This is my world... you're all just living in it. |
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Karal, .... Geeze what do I say to you?
You are like one of the eight wonders of the world or is that nine wonders of the world.. Well, never mind you get the idea. I read the things you wright on my blogs, and I want you to know that they help me. But while that is happening, that is I am reading them, I tend to wonder who you are. I wonder what your like, I wonder if you are the type of person I could become good friends with, good only knows I need a few right now. No really, I am not a depressive person, even though my blog kind of says I am. Well, I just wanted you to know that I am gratefull for your input Karal. Who ever you are.
Phanku | ||
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Yea, yea, I know its been a long time. Holy moly give me a break guys I'm a 30 year old doing 19 credits at school, 20 hours of work, and at least 10 hours of trying to figure out what the fuck is going on in the world.
I broke a tooth today. Jesus I so feel like I need to stop trying to live. OKay first off, I am going to let you know that I am probably drunk. I know this because I'm sneezing. Yes, sneezing tells me when I am drunk. All the things in the world I could be allergic to there is two I am the most allergic to. Those being dogs, and yeast. Of course there is no booze in the world that doesn't involve yeast in some form. So, when ever I drink I sneeze. I just sneezed about 15 times in a row.
I keep asking my self, "What do I want?" The only thing i can think of, and it's silly and simple, but I never get it is just to have some one to be super close to. I first made this blog so I could let the real me out, but stupidly I told a friend of mine about the blog. Screw it, I don't care, it's been a long time maybe they don't look at this blog anymore. I have these feelings. In fact I have had these feelings as long as I can remember. These feelings affect everything I do in some way. Inside I feel like an emotional person, a person who needs to be able to come out and do the thing she needs to do. The world from a mans point of view is insane, unstable, unpredictable and emotional. The world from a woman's point of view is just the way the world is, and needs to be. I put up this barrier around me at all times. An only child growing up by my self. It was so hard on me that I suffered from major depression so bad I would end up beating on my cat because it didn't want to stay with me and snuggle. What does this say about me? All I ever wanted is what every woman in the world that wants to be a home maker wanted. I want to stay home and take care of the kids. I want to plan what the decerations of the house will look like, I want to be the one who goes shopping for the new carpet. I want to wash the clothes.
I remember when my Grandpa died. Actually more to the point I remember seeing my Grandpa for the last time. I don't know if it was because I couldn't handle it or because I'm a drunk. I was so drunk the last time I saw him, I could barely talk to him. Maybe I just like being sad... Maybe it makes me feel better to be sad, is that possible?
Once again all these strange thoughts on a night of binge drinking. Seing how much I can get drunk before I crawl into the bed with my fiance. Sitting in a quiet room thinking back but not only to back in time but forward also.
Death just won't take me. God.....
God... Sigh for the first time in 18 or so years I am going to church again, probably with a hang over. (Kind of like my Jury duty on acid). I need to go to bed. Church awaits me. Maybe I will find the thing that I have been needing in church. Even though I didn't find it the first time.
See ya.
Phanku | ||
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Wow... rereading my blog has left me feeling very detached from myself. Who was that person? Who the hell am I now?
I've lost 115 pounds. I don't need to lose any more, but have about 10 pounds plus of excess skin that needs to be removed and a couple pounds of "perma-fat" to have lypo'd (that's what the plastic surgeon called it... perma-fat).
But that will cost $18,000 so I'm not in a big rush. I look fantastic in my clothes and since that is the way everyone but one sees me, I figure I'm good. I do, however, look like a freak naked. What's that wrinkly dog... Sharpe? That's me...
My life is so different. I'm different. Life is easier, while I'm more difficult. My career has skyrocketed, yet I struggle to be as good a leader as I used to be. Men like me more, but women are as weird as I always knew they were and I have to work so hard to earn their trust now. My husband has recently pointed out that I've become the type of woman he's never liked (vain, confident, demanding).
I am more vain, definitely. And my confidence has increased, although I've never struggled with confidence in most areas of my life. I don't think I'm more demanding, but perhaps I am.
Most days I'm cool with how much easier my life is now. Even pleased with it. Ocassionally I'm mildly amused with what a big difference my new appearance has made. And once, but only once, I was down-right pissed off about being treated differently. But that was a weak moment as I try to never be upset by things beyond my control.
Even the difference between now and 50 pounds ago is amazing, and I was amazed 50 pounds ago. And I'm 30 days away from the anniversary of my surgery. What a weird year.
This blog entry is not my best. I know that. I'm tired from working too much. I'm worried about my new nephew born yesterday but in NICU with breathing difficulties. I'm trying to figure out if I'm happier, not happier or just different. I struggle with being severely anemic, which is a common side effect of my surgery. And I'm dealing with the fact that I hit a deer on the highway last week and need to get my precious car fixed.
So today I'd have to assess the situation as this... same shit, different body. But I promise to write more often and soon I'll be writing on a day when I figure my life is better than I could have ever hoped, which is most days I suspect.
I do know I'm about the most blessed person alive. And I am grateful. | ||
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I met this girl Nikki on Myspace. I wasn't really looking to meet anyone but she contacted me and we started writing each other back and fourth. She seemed like a nice person and I guess she still is but I wish she had been more honest with me. She wrote to me and asked if I wanted to call her. Our emails had been going well so I said sure and sent her my cell phone number and home phone and she sent me hers. I called her when I got in later that night and we were having a pretty good conversation until all of a sudden she decided to drop a bomb on me. 6 years ago Nikki was in a car accident and is confined to a wheelchair for the rest of her life.
Call me shallow but jeez what a fucking turn off. She says she didn't tell me because so many people judge her by her chair instead of what kind of person she is inside but I felt tricked. Being in a wheelchair is a huge fucking thing to omit from over 20 emails that 2 people swapped back and forth. She really wanted me or somebody to fuck her and I thought that it just wreaked of desperation but she was so lonely and I couldn't just hang up on her. I stuck it out and it was a pretty good conversation but I just didn't feel it would work out. She emailed me again and I decided to tell her the truth. I felt lied to and thought that she should have mentioned her situation before hitting on me and inviting me to call her. I wrote her back and said we could still be friends but that it was too much for me to handle and that in the future she should be upfront with all the guys she meets online. She disagreed but when we talked she mentioned that she kept getting rejected so I would think that she should consider changing tactics and putting the fact that she is disabled in her profile. Talk about it, be upfront and don't hide anything or she's going to keep sitting there alone waiting for some loser to take pity on her and fuck her.
I'm willing to be judged by all of you out there but I think I make a valid point. If you are on an online dating site and you were missing a leg but otherwise attractive would you be honest and tell people about it in your profile or would just contact the person and get their hopes up and then all of a sudden go "Surprise! I'm missing a leg!"? I'd wager that if you do the latter it won't go over well with most people something I learned the hard way a few years ago so now I put everything out there. Are you broke? Tell them! Live with your Momma? Tell them! If you don't it will bite you in the ass in the end. | ||
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Life is like riding a bicycle, you don't fall off unless you stop pedaling... -- Claude Pepper The cat could very well be man's best friend but would never stoop to admitting it. -- Doug Larson A little nonsense now and then, is cherished by the wisest men. All you need in this life is ignorance and confidence; then success is sure. -- Mark Twain, Letter to Mrs. Foote, Dec. 2, 1887 I am not in this world to live up to other people's expectations, nor do I feel that the world must live up to mine. -- Fritz Perls | ||
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- The world is at your hands! ============
2. Gentle, relaxed lovemaking reduces your chances of ============
============ ============ ============ ============ ============
If you dont, then you will never receive good sex again for the
Do not keep this message. This message must leave your e-mail Since the copy must tour the world, you must send it. This is | ||
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| California then and now 156 years ago!
Everyone was an immigrant. | ||
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| >>> Many people are at a loss for a response when someone says "you don't know Jack Schitt". Now, You can handle the situation. Jack is the only son of Awe Schitt and O. Schitt. Awe Schitt, the fertilizer magnate, married O. Schitt, the owner of Knee-deep Schitt, Inc. In turn, Jack Schitt married Noe Schitt and the deeply religious couple produced 6 children: Holie Schitt, The twins; Deep Schitt and Dip Schitt, Fulla Schitt, Giva Schitt and Bull Schitt, a high school dropout. After being married for 15 years Jack and Noe divorced. Noe later married Mr. Sherlock and because her kids were living with them, she wanted to keep her previous name. She was known as Noe Schitt-Sherlock. Dip Schitt married Loda Schitt and they produced a cowardly son, Chicken Schitt. Fulla Schitt and Giva Schitt were inseparable throughout childhood and consequently, married the Happens brothers in dual ceremony. The Schitt-Happens children are Dawg, Byrd and Horse. Bull Schitt the prodigal son, left home to tour the world. He recently returned with his new Italian bride, Pisa Schitt. Now, when someone say's you don't know Jack Schitt, you can correct them. | ||
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| A guy walks into the local welfare office for his monthly check. He marches straight up to the counter and says, "Hi. You know, I just HATE coming in here drawing welfare month after month. I'd really much rather have a job." The social worker behind the counter says, "Your timing is excellent. We just got a job opening from a very wealthy old man who wants a chauffeur-bodyguard for his nymphomaniac daughter. You'll have to drive around in his Mercedes, but he'll supply all of your clothes.Because of the long hours, meals will be provided. You'll be expected to escort her on her overseas holiday trips. You'll have a two-bedroom apartment above the garage. The starting salary is $200,000 a year." The guy says, "You're bullshitting me!" The social worker says,"Yeah, well, you started it." | ||
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| We've all been there but don't like to admit it. As much as we try to convince ourselves otherwise, the WORKPOOP is inevitable. For those who hate pooping at work, following is the survival Guide for taking a dump at work. CROP DUSTING: When farting, you walk briskly around the office so the smell is not in your area and everyone else gets a whiff but doesn't know where it came from. Be careful when you do this. Do not stop until the full fart has been expelled. Walk an extra 30 feet to make sure the smell has left your pants. FLY BY: This is the act of scouting out a bathroom before pooping. Walk in and check for other poopers. If there are others in the bathroom, leave and come back again. Be careful not to become a FREQUENT FLYER. People may become suspicious if they catch you constantly going into the bathroom. ESCAPEE: This is a fart that slips out while taking a leak at the urinal or forcing a poop in a stall. This is usually accompanied by a sudden wave of embarrassment. If you release an escapee, do not acknowledge it. Pretend it did not happen. If you are standing next to the farter in the urinal, pretend you did not hear it. No one likes an escapee. It is uncomfortable for all involved. Making a joke or laughing makes both parties feel uneasy. JAILBREAK: When forcing a poop, several farts slip out at a machine gun pace. This is usually a side effect of diarrhea or a hangover. If this should happen, do not panic. Remain in the stall until everyone has left the bathroom to spare everyone the awkwardness of what just occurred. COURTESY FLUSH: The act of flushing the toilet the instant the poop hits the water. This educes the amount of airtime the poop has to stink up the bathroom. This can help you avoid being caught doing the WALK OF SHAME. WALK OF SHAME: Walking from the stall, to the sink, to the door after you have just stunk the bathroom. This can be a very uncomfortable moment if someone walks in and busts you. As with farts, it is best to pretend that the smell does not exist. This very uncomfortable walk can be avoided with the use of the COURTESY FLUSH. OUT OF THE CLOSET POOPER: This is a colleague who poops at work and is damn proud of it. You will often see an Out Of The Closet Pooper enter the bathroom with a newspaper or magazine under his or her arm. Always look around the office for the out Of The Closet Pooper before entering the bathroom. POOPING FRIENDS NETWORK (P.F.N.): A group of coworkers who band together to ensure emergency pooping goes off without incident. This group can help you to monitor the whereabouts of Out Of The Closet Poopers and identify SAFE HAVENS. SAFE HAVENS: A Safe Haven is a seldom-used bathroom somewhere in the building where you can least expect visitors. Try floors that are predominantly of the opposite sex. This will reduce the odds of a pooper of your sex entering the bathroom. TURD BURGLAR: This is someone who does not realize that you are in the stall and tries to force the door open. This is one of the most shocking and vulnerable moments that can occur when taking a poop at work If this occurs, remain in the stall until the Turd Burglar leaves. This way you will avoid all uncomfortable eye contact. CAMO-COUGH: A phony cough that alerts all new entrants into the bathroom that you are in a stall is called a Camo-Cough. This can be used to cover-up a WATERMELON, or to alert potential Turd Burglars. The Camo-Cough is very effective when used in conjunction with an ASTAIRE. ASTAIRE: An Astaire is a subtle toe-tap that is used to alert potential Turd Burglars that you are occupying a stall. This will remove all doubt that the stall is occupied. If you hear an Astaire, leave the bathroom immediately so the pooper can poop in peace. WATERMELON: A watermelon is a big poop that creates a loud splash when hitting the toilet water. This is also an embarrassing incident. If you feel a Watermelon coming on, create a diversion. See CAMO-COUGH. HAVANA OMELET: A case of diarrhea that creates a series of loud splashes in the toilet water. Often accompanied by an Escapee. Try using a Camo-Cough with an Astaire. UNCLE TODD: An Uncle Todd is a bathroom user who seems to linger around forever. This person could spend extended lengths of time in front of the mirror or sitting on the pot. An Uncle Todd makes it difficult to relax while on the crapper, as you should always wait to poop when the bathroom is empty. This benefits you as well as other bathroom attendees. Hope the Survival Guide helps, as the WORK-POOP is an inevitable part of life. | ||
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A new priest at his first mass was so nervous he could hardly
After mass he asked the monsignor how he had done. The monsignor replied, "When I am worried about getting nervous on the
So next Sunday he took the monsignor's advice.
At the beginning of the sermon, he got nervous and took a drink. He Upon his return to his office after the mass, he found the following
1) Sip the vodka, don't gulp
2) There are 10 commandments, not 12.
3) There are 12 disciples, not 10.
4) Jesus was consecrated, not constipated.
5) Jacob wagered his donkey, he did not bet his ass.
6) We do not refer to Jesus Christ as the late J.C.
7) The Father, Son, and Holy Ghost are not referred to as Daddy, Junior
8) David slew Goliath, he did not kick the shit out of him.
9) When David was hit by a rock and was knocked off his donkey, don't
10) We do not refer to the cross as the "Big T."
11) When Jesus broke the bread at the last supper he said, "Take this
12) The Virgin Mary is not called " Mary with the Cherry.
13) The recommended grace before a meal is not: Rub-A-Dub-Dub thanks for
14) Next Sunday there will be a taffy pulling contest at St.Peter's not | ||
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| 1. Its important to have a woman who helps at home, cooks, cleans & has a job. 2. Its important to have a woman who can make you laugh. 3. Its important to have a woman who you can trust and doesn't lie. 4. Its important to have a woman who is good in bed and loves being with you. 5. And finally, its really most important that these four women don't know each other. | ||
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The Tony Danza Tapdance Extravaganza has just gotten back from the first leg of their tour and they have a new video to show for it. Created by Danza frontman Jessie Freeland here it is My Bowling Balls Frozen in a Footlocker in Chicago. Enjoy!
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I'm a huge Eminem fan so imagine my surprise when I found out that D12 rapper Proof died in a nightclub shooting yesterday. What a waste of talent. Here's the article from E! Online.
Police: Proof Fired First Authorities in Detroit confirmed today that the D12 rapper instigated a deadly nightclub shooting early Tuesday that left him dead and another man critically injured with a bullet wound to the head. The incident occurred at club C.C.C. along Eight Mile--a road immortalized by Proof's longtime pal Eminem in his hit semi-autobiographical film--at approximately 4:30 a.m., after the bar remained open illegally past its regular business hours. The 32-year-old Proof, whose real name was Deshaun Holton, was rushed to Holy Cross Hospital in a private vehicle, but was pronounced dead on arrival. The second victim, 35-year-old Keith Bender, is still reportedly touch-and-go at St. John Conner Creek Hospital. According to Detroit police spokesman Sergeant Omar Feliciano, detectives on the scene have determined the hip-hopster was the first to draw a gun and started shooting at Bender after the two got into a heated argument. Investigators were still trying to sort out who fired the fatal shot that struck Proof in the head, killing him. Police said that a man has turned himself in to police for questioning, but it was not immediately known if he was a suspect. His identity was not revealed. A previous press report stating Proof was licensed to carry a firearm was false, the police spokesperson added. No other details were made available. However, reports in the Detroit Free Press and AllHipHop.com shed a bit more light on the incident. The Free Press says Proof pistol-whipped Bender, a former Army staff sergeant, before firing. "Proof knocked the dude down and stood over him with gun in hand," a source close to the rapper is quoted by AllHipHop.com. "Proof shot first...Proof was shot four times--twice in the head and twice in the chest/stomach area." Bender, who was discharged from the Army due to a heart condition, was at the club to celebrate that he no longer needed a defibrillator for a heart condition, his sister-in-law told the Detroit News. According to police, the venue has racked up 18 incident reports since 1996, including a vice raid in December that netted citations, mostly for underage drinking. In the wake of Tuesday's slaying, Snoop Dogg has called for unity among the hip-hop faithful. "He was a part of the hip-hop family," said the Doggfather at the MTV Australia Music Awards. "We can't stop [the violence...but we can] try to be as positive as we can and do good things with our lives. I just know that every time somebody gets killed in hip-hop, we should look at it as a tragedy. There's nothing we can do to stop it as hip-hop artists, but be who we are and continue to make our good music." Proof played a critical part in Eminem's transformation from budding freestylist who performed at Detroit-area rap battles into a rap superstar. Because of their long history together, Slim Shady considered the rapper his best friend. "Proof was really the guy who got Eminem to be a rapper," Anthony Bozza, author of the Eminem biography Whatever You Say I Am, told ABC News Radio. "He really keeps only a few close people around him, so losing one of them is going to be completely devastating to him." Aside from cofounding the Detroit rap collective D12 with Eminem, Proof appeared in several of his friend's music videos, including "The Real Slim Shady," "Without Me" and "Like Toy Soldiers," the last of which featured a scene showing Eminem attending Proof's funeral. Em also asked his protege to be his best man at his second wedding in January to ex-wife Kim Mathers, which just flamed last week. Proof also served as inspiration for Mekhi Pfeiffer's character, Future, in 8 Mile. Proof also had a bit part as Lil' Tic, the wordsmith who smacked down Em in one of the movie's early contests. After topping the charts with two D12 albums, Devil's Night and D12 World, Proof struck out on his own and released his debut album, Searching for Jerry Garcia, to wide acclaim last summer. He was expected to rejoin D12 in the studio later this month to begin work on their third album. A rep for D12's record label said plans for a memorial service will be announced very soon. Proof is survived by five children. | ||
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The Tony Danza Tapdance Extravaganza has inked an exclusive T-shirt deal with national metal merch retailer Hot Topic. Their T-shirt is now available at Hot Topics in all 50 states plus Puerto Rico and online at Hottopic.com. To order online click the shirt.  | ||
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| A billion Chinese out there and we end up with these 2 fucknuts! | ||
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| Several men are in the locker room of a golf club. A cell phone on a bench rings and a man engages the hands free speaker-function and begins to talk. Everyone else in the room stops to listen. MAN: "Hello" WOMAN: "Honey, it's me. Are you at the club?" MAN: "Yes" WOMAN: "I am at the mall now and found this beautiful leather coat. It's only $1,000. Is it OK if I buy it?" MAN: "Sure, ..go ahead if you like it that much." WOMAN: "I also stopped by the Mercedes dealership and saw the new 2006 models. I saw one I really liked" MAN: "How much?" WOMAN: "$110,000" MAN: "OK, but for that price I want it with "all" the options." WOMAN: "Great! Oh, and one more thing ... The house I wanted last year is back on the market. They're asking $950,000." MAN: "Well, then go ahead and give them an offer of $900,000. They will probably take it. If not, we can go the extra 50 thousand, if it's really a pretty good price." WOMAN: "OK. I'll see you later! I love you so much!!" MAN: "Bye! I love you, too." The man hangs up. The other men in the locker room are staring at him in astonishment, mouths agape..... He smiles and asks: "Anyone know who this phone belongs to?...." | ||
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A woman and her ever-nagging husband went on vacation to Jerusalem. While they were there the Husband passed away. The undertaker told the The woman thought about it and told him she would
The woman replied, "Long ago a man died here, was buried here, and | ||
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Two families moved from Saudi Arabia to the USA. When they arrived the two fathers made a bet - A year later they met again. The first man said, The second man replied, "Fuck You, towel head!" | ||
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