mourn the death
• 2/11/2009 - Fireworks fire
Fireworks fire
Sight spit a little smog that appear fuzzy, shallow fireworks but one beauty a over once that can't burst forth in the shallow sky in her. The such one is silent have only when she missed him. That is permeated with her face is the exaggerative smiling forever on ordinary days; The color too only in to be able to see this early spring dusk such as small city; And the hoarse and manic sound of Axl rose sounds in " don' t cry ", she will quiet down quickly, fall into endless miss. At this moment, she will light a cigarette silently, sits in front of the window, is smoking quietly.
He lies tired outly in bed, thinks of " final illusion " in the computer. He like cartoon, on uninteresting day that train, can let whom him relax let person song that soul hovered beauty and she that of MV. He like, listen to rock too, weekend mid-night, neighbour hoarse split the roaring and waking up of the lung he room always.
Never can remember she, can think, no one in him perhaps.
Think he has already been part of the lives of she. She types a message choosing one's words carefully sometimes, then input his number repeatedly, keep it in waiting to send messages finally. Store full, she first first copy at the diary. Notebook full, she such dusk, one that is in cigarette suddenly bright, suddenly all is burnt in the dark.
On birthday the night, she asks someone to invite him to come specially, though has never spoken before them.
He knows she likes her. He promises to go to fulfill an appointment.
Meet at the gate of bar, it was very early that they both came. Smile at each other knowingly, must say word that plan meticulously to him future, she has been had into the compartment by a group of friends who came.
She remain unchanged fine long hair laugh unconstrained, with everybody cheers, wine cups and mora chips lying about in disorder room, he, and she a bit drunk.
She likes him, a lot of people know. Everybody encourages her to chase him, say he is very good. But she just stands in where it is, smiles thinly, shake the head gently.
Perhaps it is she that can not step one's own very traditional idea, perhaps it is she that thinks him out of reach
What she cried for is good miserably in drunk the night, like him to like him garrulously bearing in mind constantly
He is supported back doddering along, pour and can not wake the bed up again.
Later not meet. She has left that small city because of the work.
She opens his QQ materials habitually every day, sees whether the flower by that ferry of his is still pinned on the front pieces of Chinese jacket, whether or incomplete just moves towards the love
After a long time, she has an opportunity to get back to that small city.
Other friends remain unchanged, other sand are so fine and smooth, other sea winds are so gentle. Listen to friend, he has already gone to Shanghai, has not come back.
First time, it was silent that she smiled.
She knows, perhaps this lifetime, he will only live in her memory. In his life, she is only that that pins small flower on the front pieces of Chinese jacket. |
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• 11/24/2008 - The love is a kind of responsibility
The love is a kind of responsibility
" mourn the death " Only one love novel, Mr. of Lu Xun, novel but short 10,000 more than word describe sub monarch and tiny stream born from loving and cohabitting to the whole course that love evaporate vividly.
Mourn the death while being what is called, but sentimental for thing that pass, whole article read, come down, let people think the atmosphere is sad and dreary helplessness, two break common customs and lover conbining together it, move towards separating because of realistic existence question finally. I think the sub monarch in the article is a brave woman daring to like daring to hate, under the social background of the old thought in the feudal social influence, that kind of firm attitude which she shows while breaking through feudal family's trap, resist family bravely, say firmly " I am my own " Come,satire to ignore society and slander, the one without hesitation and last the poor and pedantic intellectual scholar together tiny stream, go to this Plato type love for shelter resolutely.
And is the tiny stream grown? It is a new young man of a thought of making progress on the surface, but full of adhering to past practices and timid and weak-willed at heart, he always fears others pay close attention to them with the unusual eyes when going out together with sub monarch, sub monarch can have a clear conscience in the face of these eyes.
It is selfish that the tiny stream is grown, he even blames abandoning the thing of the work on the sub monarch's head. Whom he has been acted all the time is a role asking for it in the love, when taking off and facing the pressure of actual life in passion of the love, he has pushed responsibility to the sub monarch, but not from looking for the reason by oneself.
The tiny stream is given birth to the last antithetical phrase monarch and said: "I will not love you. " He says again and again and wants to tell the true idea of one's own heart, but will not he really love him? Does not he understand at all what love is? Here at that time, he had no ability to protect one's own once ' liked deeply ' woman, handicap you live a good life, his incapability makes him escape due responsibility. This sentence of his has injured the sub monarch's heart completely, it is this sentence that has finished the love of the sub monarch completely too, the dead end on forcing her, here, it is the sub hands of Kuai of a love that can't be responsible for love that the tiny stream is grown.
The tiny stream grows what the antithetical phrase monarch told " I can love you " So firm, but groups of you really leave later on, he begins to think of the bright day in the past again, begin to remember the sub monarch is good, when he heard about the news that the sub monarch die, low-spirited at the beginning ' mourn the death ', before everything is unable to get back to again, the tiny stream is grown in remaining day, will have mourned the death all the time mostly.
No doubt, the sub monarch is a victim in a love, the death of her, the tiny stream should really bear great majority of responsibility while growing, but in a sense, is it really a victim that the tiny stream is grown? The death of the sub monarch makes him suffer endless condemnation on conscience from then on, to perhaps live is more painfully than to die!
Time will not flow backwards, it is rewritten that history is difficult, the tiny stream is grown will not change with the love tragedy of the sub monarch because of our personal sympathy or pity. As to the thing that the tiny stream is grown with the sub monarch's love tragedy, what we should do is not to grow ceaselessly condemnation to the tiny stream saying what others say, but should draw the lesson from it: Since two people get togather, should support each other, progress together, even if the final result is with becoming extinct, want and love together rawly, because the love is a kind of responsibility! |
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• 11/24/2008 - Love of warm life
Love of warm life
At last, tearfully, finished reading " love of tree of hawthorn ".
Have already come down from the download from the website, but has never found the chance suitable to read.
The comment about this book on net is numerous, but I have a habit, before not reading by oneself, do not read and comment without exception, is afraid first impressions are strongest, misled by others.
Only know indistinctly this is a sadly beautiful love story.
Read in the office? Improper naturally, telephone sound, knock on the door will upset the mental state. Some books, are only suitable for silent enjoyment, can only drink when being as many as people, coffee is sampled carefully while staying alone by oneself.
At home? Not all right. I am very strong at ordinary times, but just liked shedding tears while reading, felt sad countlessly to go back for the jade of black pigment as a child, having finished reading one each time, the tear embarks on journey still. So, I seldom read the sad love letter book or film at home, am afraid of being frightened others.
Happened on business outside these days, pieces of good opportunity, settle the lovesickness not going after can have with heart.
Get back to hotel evening, turn on computer, one cup coffee steep for oneself, expect for a long time read time begin.
(1)
The story happened in 1974. It is a high school student beautiful in quiet autumn, because family's compositions are not good, life is poverty-stricken, been feeling self-humiliation very much all the time. She has gone to the countryside to know and explore the third of workers while observing and learning from real life. The third has fallen in love with her deeply, always anxious in very quiet autumn and is cheated, because the third is a son of the commandant of Military Area Command, and handsome and graceful, characteristically brilliant. But the third loves quiet autumn wholeheartedly, it is willing to do anything for her. He wait for patient she graduate, wait for her not to be worked,etc. she become a full member Until all wishes of quiet autumn have become reality, but the third got leukemia and passed away, that was 1976.
(2)
When I heard of this book for the first time, it was a Russian song " hawthorn tree " that thought of. I am especially crazy about the Russian song that the black duck's chorus group sang to have the period of time, " hawthorn tree " among them one, remember one lyrics indistinctly still " Ah, hawthorn tree hawthorn tree, why will you be sad? "
So, when see this title of " love of tree of hawthorn ", assert this is a love tragedy.
To describe quiet to go countryside circumstances on the way autumn at the beginning book, she hear end of the village have heads of hawthorn at the tree for the first time, that think of is this Russian song too at first, can't help coming to like her, come to like this book too.
See third sympathize with traitor to be just will high, say " he to fear, separate, turn traitor of with wife later, in fact have pity on very much too " When,impression on it is for third more and more, to the impressions of book being the getting getting more more finer too. Because of several years, I think " red rock ", until will too high to have profound hatred just, even guessed very reactionarily at that time - -His wife must be very beautiful, he must like her very much.
Between people and book, there is a certain fate, just as between men.
"Have walked out far away and returned to and seen that hawthorn tree excessively in quiet autumn, indistinct, she sees and stands individuals under trees, but it is not those ones that are tied with a rope round the neck and hands by Japanese devil which village head Zhang describes that resist the daily record person, but a handsome guy. "
Saw here, the tears were welled up slowly unexpectedly, very inconceivable, any story had not begun yet. However, a kind of sorrow has seem to already been ooze into the heart gradually, the heart has contracted closely gradually, worry, have a kind of baffled fear for that youth not appearing yet.
(3)
See for third hour for the first time in quiet autumn, begin to take notice of one's own dress, fear and leave a bad impression on him. She does not remember caring about one's own feature and wearing like this in front of nobody yet, it was one's own and once so nervous in front of nobody not to remember either.
This is love, doomed love.
As a girl does not know whether oneself is to love a boy wholeheartedly the period of the day from 11 p.m. to 1 a.m., " take notice of " It is the best touchstone. If she can stand in front of him with dishevelled hair and a dirty facely and wearing hasty and careless clothes, heart is still very calm, then, Cubitt's spirit arrow has not hit her. Who does not want to leave the lover a most beautiful figure?
On the contrary, if she prefers dying to his seeing one's own sorry figure, this share minds that makes girl's most concealed worry known publicly, the girl is usually only shy in front of the person who she took notice of. People can pretend to be pure, can play the part of charmingly, only the shy look stems from the minding of heart.
Nowadays it's a great pity now, the shy girl seems more and more scarce.
(4)
The third left a few days ago, the days pass heavily in quiet autumn. One day apart seems like three years; Disappear on the third, as if being cut off from the outside world for ages.
Frequently, find alone that falls in love with a person by oneself, it is when parting, just know that has already produced very strong attachment to that person unconsciously by oneself.
So the new term begins every term, in the campus will swiftly a great deal of new lover now. Through the difference of one vacations, some dim feelings become clearer. Practice is the sole criterion for testing truth, the important standard of the emotion that separate to prove.
"Do not know in quiet autumn how oneself can be so because of carelessness, it is known obviously that two people are from different worlds, why still so fall in love with him carelessly. "
The love will not come when we got ready just like the earthquake, it is always unable to predict.
Remembering a old song, " I bring the dreamlike expectation, is the feelings that can't be restrained, when you are careless, please follow me. Don't mention anything, mention anything, that world that you can't foresee. "
It is unable to restrain, it is unable to foresee; Slip into the night with the wind, moist all things on earth thinly and silently, this is love.
Think of the restrained emotion more and more to the restrain, do one's utmost to break out in restrained emotion, the destiny makes fool of the people, the one impervious to most reason in this world is often love.
"If you one fire bird, I will certainly be that flame, burn you, burn you. Let's burn! Fire bird! "
Except burn in quiet autumn, seem to have no option.
The third is more scared out of one's wits. He spoke with her in the past, always looked like adults to the child, bantered her, started and solved her. But he is less courageous now, seem to be always trying to figure out her attention, should tease her.
If, one will be changed completely, no doubt, it must be the magic power of the love. Will let a coward become a warrior in love, will make too a good man caught in difficult circumtances. So, the love is gone through towards the theme of the past dynasties literary works forever, because is really too wonderful.
(5)
Hear in quiet autumn the third had fiancees, produced misunderstanding to him, but does not say, have just drifted apart him. Feel a pain very much third,but it is the unidentified on in,have to write there aren't copies of letter while leaving in quiet autumn.
"Decision write back quiet autumn, write letter in reply, let black word drop on blank sheet of paper, even if is a letter which criticizes him, he can take away and cut the head to go at the end, quotes a remark out of its context, swindle by false pretences. The person of that times, everyone knows " the literary inquisition " Terrible. "
Because two people have with a wide gap and too great condition, always some feel self-humiliation in quiet autumn, there is a rustle of leaves in the wind, suspect the love of the third.
Unwilling to tear the third's letter eventually in very quiet autumn. She has looked for a piece of cloth, sticks and makes inside the cotton-padded clothes into a pocket, has put the third's letter in, bring, come out, see have people.
Yearn for the love in the seventies. Modern, write love letter, write, electronic edition. Without letter writer's temperature with warm centre of the palm, the instant of style of writing or painting solidifies without choosing one's words carefully, there is no gentle kiss mark of appellation, without asking the cheek to miss happy smile. After receiving, unable to warm up accompanying on the chest daily, it is touching to experience that one constantly, if the weak electric current spreads all over whole body - -Palpitation, trembling, soft, intoxicated.
A long time ago, lover a classical program break off the friendship, burn all love letters, diarieses, there are photos. Tear into one for one slice hard first - -The photo especially with harder texture, and then throw into the fire and pile. Eyes are smoked so that the tears flow without end, with sounds of cough, like vital organs of the human body being all overwhelmed with sorrow, the so-called one is too grieved to cross so.
Burn down, usually serious disease, disease go, reel off raw silk from cocoons, can live, rotate, come back after the several month, but the heart has been already like the ashes in the night.
It is the E-mail if the modern is much simpler? Open the mailbox, no matter love letter or photo, click, delete completely, a section of emotions end within several seconds - -Game over, and spring dream has no mark. Flash wedding flash, from have, have what emotion flash?
(6)
Though have the fiancee who takes to the third to heart in quiet autumn, can not forget the third eventually. While selecting the football shirt number, have selected for the 3rd subconsciously.
You do not guess, guess that guesses that can not guess either clearly in the girl's worry. Sometimes, to inconsistent too nonconformity said in the mouth, ones that say and do on they think in the heart, if she is not a consistent girl who said yes and meant no, that must have been stranded by feeling. However, even the girl in the love says one thing and does another, it is lovely not to lack either, because there is good reason for it. Such as quiet autumn.
Many readers blame suspicion, indecisive, noble-minded and unwilling to swim with the tide of quiet autumn, in fact this is dissociated indefinitely by a girl and one kind when the love come, one is swayed by considerations of gain or loss. It is what's more that time when stops up, every gesture of the girl has to be extremely careful, in fear of shouldering the degenerate bad name. It was careless, rash, frivolous that perhaps we got used to the young people of today to love, the desire not meeting that times instead is said and stopped yet. If as open as some modern women in quiet autumn, then she should be called " the quiet autumn treasure " . Who would like to accept this appellation again? Let quiet autumn continue being shy and continuing being gentle and refined and continuing being implicit and continuing hesitating. Actually the love that is worth aftertasting in this world was not a cup of honeyed water - -Get at the end sweetly from the beginning dully, should be like hawthorn - -Bring acid in being sweet, acid have sweet, have not given full expression to the views, make people get drunk for a long time.
Though say in quiet autumn that never wants to see the third again, in fact love me, love my dog - -See and third of the same name people feel very cordial, expect third can appear in her at present surprise everyday even more.
In fact the third often walks very far distance, only in order to far cast a look at her, have only never discovered in quiet autumn.
See here, the tears have flowed out again unconsciously, is the boy leisurely of this deep love.
The chance of a chance, find in quiet autumn, are moved deeply. Third explanation about the fiancee's rumor, two people makes up the quarrel if there is an opportunity finally.
Have a summer holiday, for replenish family expenses, go out, type odd-job man is very much hot and bitter quiet autumn. After the third knows, love so that whole faces are all tears. Say in a hurry in quiet autumn: "Where does the man revitalize and shed tears? " The third says: "Man shed tears for oneself, too out of fashion to shed tears for others? "
"Nobody ache you / tell you even more than me / until each think night in you "
May have others to love quiet autumn too, but the third firmly believes all the time he is that one loving dearly her most. Third lifetime this it seems to be to be quiet alive autumn, every word and action, knit the brows one laugh at on his heart weightier than Mount Taiing of her. God at building people, in pairs to build, throw away get ground only perhaps, have not left a place. Lucky, in find each other before marriage, couple return house in pairs, green water green hill smiling face of leading; Unlucky, have not found before marriage, but meet unexpectedly after marriage, have become each other's eternal pain in the heart after a sound of sighs; Luck is worse, seek and go for naught too all one's life, wretched and intimate finally, so they never believe that there is real love in this world.
Hear someone say at the love of believing, I can neglect they extremely with sympathy whenever, luck is really too bad.
(7)
In fact, is not sure either on earth that wretched from the person without love, the person founding and losting again is sad and more dreary.
The third has got leukemia, comfort him and mustn't be afraid in quiet autumn - -She will die with him, does not can let he alone in the face of death. But the third wants her to live carefully, helps him to live, " I will look at this world through your eyes, experience this world through your heart. I want you to get married, give birth to the child, both of us live on child, the child has children, we will never die. The life is that such a generation of generation went on. After the a lot of year, your offspring to you tell I, you much less my name, only say it is a person who you love just. Thinking on that day, I thought I just went to another place, saw you to live there happily. "
Third's requirement was buried under the hawthorn tree after passing away, here was closest to quiet autumn, he looked forward to often seeing her.
Understood the third's words at the last moment in quiet autumn. She lives very excellently, after resuming college entrance examination, she has been admitted to a university, then pursue the master degree, go abroad to pursue the Ph.D, teach in a university of U.S.A. finally.
So diligent in quiet autumn, must want to let the third experience this world better; Travel across the oceans, must want to let the third appreciate this world heartily, live up to third her deep friendship correctly.
Yes, they have never separated, their heart has been together all the time. So long as live in quiet autumn, the third has not left away, he lives in the memory of quiet autumn, living among life of her, forever, forever.
In spring, in season that the hawthorn tree blooms, red flowers just look like the third's heart - -That heart loving quiet autumn forever, is giving regards to her in the other shore by the ocean with a smile, it is told that seeming quiet autumn: He loves her, likes, no matter in the past, now, future. He never goes far, has been seeing her living happily, no matter the sky, human world.
Autumn, bursts of fitful wind blow, hawthorn leaf rustle, as if quiet to enclose in the third pouring out in a low voice in one's ear autumn - -His love followed her and went over the ends of the earth in so much years, gave her endless warmth and strength. The leaves descend slowly and lightly with the wind, that is quiet autumn gentle hands are being stroked the third lying under the tree, dab his face, his hand of sending, him, have his hearts.
(8)
Before death diary, write quiet letter, photo for autumn,etc. to of him third, place in a military pannier, trust the younger brother to keep, say that if quiet autumn passes very happily, don't give these things to her!; If her love is unfortunate, or the marriage is unhappy, give these things to her, let her know that once there was a person in the world, its body and mind of inclining loved her, let her believe that there is eternal love in the world.
He is writing in the title page of a diary: "I can't wait for you for one year and one month, I can't wait for you until 25 years old either, but I will wait for you all one's life. "
Shed silent tears again. The love of that times is pure and transparent, enough to wash away people's soul; The commitment of that times is deep and serious like the mountain, stand the test of the time and space.
Story sweet and sour, mood obviously secretly, the state of mind is flying in profusions.
Coffee is hot and cool, the tears have stopped falling, the state of mind has floated and gone back, just like quiet autumn and the third in the story, the love breaks up, has broken up and gathered.
This section of deep and eternal love, though has surmounted the eternity transiently, the life of enough warm quiet autumn, give her consolation on lonely day, give her courage on difficult day, give her confidence on desperate day, make her happier on happy day - -That is two people's happiness.
This section is really to the pure love, just like flower of the hawthorn tree, beautiful, dense, splendid, make it in each man memory forever, tell us that this have eternal love in the world - -The love of enough warm life, will never disappear, will never fade. |
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• 11/24/2008 - It is cold and cold to say
It is cold and cold to say
This day, how to say it's cold and cold.
This sentence complains, seemingly a few days ago, someone said too.
The replacement of season, there are its reasons naturally, always unavoidable, we are still complaining, for being unexpected.
A lot of things, is always changing, we never find, sudden variety, ours was surprised that only held, our sigh, ours is remembered with gratitude
The maple leaf descending slowly and lightly, the temperature which the wind blows, the humidity breathed Imperceptibly influence one, its change actually has proof and evidence.
Not only getting ready yet for us, so we will mumble, why say that changes, change.
In the thing so, what's more to people, too much mood left, too much miss, too much memory, too much loneliness
There won't be time to lead off, like the falling red of that party, the rumour was not smelt for the moment, the earth has already been had no enough time to accept
Becoming cold or turning warm, we are complaining, are suiting,
Familiar with or strange, we are lonely too, studying,
Then, we become strong,
Then we change fearless,
Then we become lonely,
Then we know,
That is growing up
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