YAY!!!...2 more days till the long awaited 10 days holiday.

Yipee.

Not only there is no work, i dun have classes as well. AND have the whole house to myself.

All to my greedy self.

MUAHAHAH!!!!

Oh, and Happy Valentine's Day aka Happy Fuckingtine Day

It's been kinda long since i've last blogged, and i really wished i was someone who is more consistent and hardworking when it comes to sitting down in front of the computer and type.

:( But sad to say, i'm not. Haha.

I rather not bitch about work or college. (Which, seriously is a major pain in the ass!!) I mean, what is there to bitch about? Work is the same shit everyday.

Wake up at 8, go to work at 9. Read the 10,000 emails and reply every single one of them. That would be around 10 AM. Drink a cup of coffee and take a puff. Call a couple of clients, get fucked by them, call the creatives, get fucked by them. After getting fucked by both side, the boss finds out i got fucked, then she'll fuck me even more, just for the fucks of it.

Then it's lunch time. I breathe in relief. But then, some stupid people don't even understand the meaning of LUNCH time. It means you have lunch. A meal. With your mouth. Do you know how fucking rude and irritating it is to call someone and harrass them when they're having their lunch. You try that.

2PM, i trudge gloomily back upstairs. Continue the fucking session till about 7PM, that's when everything will settle down. Have another cup of coffee. Take a long ciggie break. Start thinking about the fucking session for the next day. Go out for dinner with colleagues. That would be around 8-9PM. Continue slaving in the office till my brain tells me i HAVE to get home before it explodes. Which is usually around 1AM.

I go home, stone around for an hour or two before i finally drift into a wonderful slumber.

The story of my life.

No more excitement. No more drama. No more life.

That's it.

People say life begins when you hit 20. But why am i so different that my life ends when i'm 20?

This is rather painful. And depressing. And talking about depression, Valentine Day is coming. In like 2 days. And it's not like i'm depressed because i don't have a boyfriend to celebrate it with or something. It's just that i feel a little sad of all these lovey-dovey feeling in the air on that day. I mean, it's not a big deal. Get what i mean? I mean, it falls on a weekday. People have work, for goodness sake. And then it's like freaking expensive everywhere. It's so packed with people. I'm surprise McDonald's isn't charging people RM50 for a set meal.

But anyways, back to the depression part - i just feel a little...left out. I mean, what if from now on i'm going to have to celebrate Valentine Day by myself. Alone. That's a little pathetic right? I mean, even my parents went out to for a fancy romantic dinner last year. What did i do last year? Hmmm...oh yeah, i was watching a movie with a couple of friends. But i don't want to do that again this year. It's not that you ONLY have to celebrate Valentine Day with your partner, you can celebrate it with your friends and family as well. But...but...but!!!!!!!!

I don't want!~! There, i admit it. I admite it OKAY!!

I want to have this nice and sweet and romantic boyfriend who will take me out for this really nice meal, then we would go to a bar for a drink where he will surprise me with a really nice bouquet of dark red roses. And if time permits, he'll take me to a quiet and romantic place, where the both of us can be alone...like the beach.. and we walk barefoot on the sand, hands in hands under the bright starlights...

*sigh*

So romantic hor??

But here it is again, the time of the year where Cupid goes around town and shoot those freaking arrows everywhere and to everyone but me.

But it's okay. It's alright. I'll just slave around in the office like i always do and pretend Valentine Day never existed.

But maybe Cupid will REMEMBER me this year and shoot those freaking arrows at me. Who would i want to be my Valentine? Oh boy, i want Keith. He's cute, he's smart, he's funny, he's nice, he's charming, he's friendly and he's sooooo lovable. I can't stand it.

I'm so excited.

Next week would be a very very busy week.

I will have 3 different recordings, and i'm so excited coz i've never been to a recording! My friend is coming back from Aussie, my parents are going to the States...that means...Parrrttttttyyyyyyyyyy niigghhhhttttttttt !!!!!

WAHAHHAHAHAHHAHAH      WAHAHAHHAHAHAH

I can't wait. SO CANT WAIT!!!!!

I bought 6 cartons of beer.

Yum.

It's going to be pure bliss.

Lots of beer, a bunch of good friends, no parents, no rules, no worries.

Isn't that just... G.R.E.A.T???

Freedom Night, im back again!!!

I swollowed my tongue stud.

I'm going to get infected and die.

I won't  get married.

Or go for a honeymoon.

Won't go through being pregnant.

Or having kids i can spoil.

I'm not going to grow old with my husband.

Not going to see my children grow up and have kids on their own

Not going to have a Golden Year Anniversary with my husband...

*sob*

I've been thinking about joining yoga. Or maybe some meditation of some sort.

Something that can calm me down. It it doesn't work, maybe i should take up an anger management class or something. Haha.

Honestly, these few days i've been shocking myself. I can like, actually imagine myself being outside my body watching myself snapping at other people. I've been kinda, not myself lately. Stress i guess. But i am not going to use that reason as a reason on why i'm being such a complete bitch lately.

It's 3.40 AM, i'm still in the office (okay, perhaps right now you are already thinking i am the sorta girl who has absolutely NO life whatsoever, and my entire time, energy, thoughts and passion goes to my work, but that's not true okay..well...not entirely) The thing is, tomorrow my Client has a Sale Conference and he asked me to go, and he would be presenting a presentation and considering we have been pretty close lately (long-term investment..people in agencies should know what i'm talking about) he asked a favour from me. Gathering information and doing a research on their competitors, ie: market share, sales activities, a&p, ground events, etc..etc.

And yeap, here i am..still struggling to help him do up the presentation. (No..don't get me wrong. He didn't asked me to do the whole entire presentation. He just asked for more information so he can conduct the presentation a little smoother..)

I actually, honestly don't mind. I can just snobbishly shove my middle finger right in front of his face and with a rolled eye, a loud & clear 'fuck off' would have save me the trouble, energy and time from gathering all these information. But hey, i'm trying to win my client's trust, confidence and also some brownie points! Hehe..

I'm such a genious.

What's better than killing 2 birds with 1 stone?

Why...it's killing 3 birds with 1 stone of course!!!

I'm so numb.

It's 4.48AM, and i'm still at my office.

Today has been the worst day of the worst week of my life.

First, my senior (you know, the one who dumped everything for me to do?) got sacked beginning of this week (OMG......coz appearantly the management thinks she wasn't performing, which in a way is quite true..she's an Account Manager, for goodness sake...) Then, i had to handle every freaking thing by myself.

All 7 Accounts, and 2 more Accounts that i so 'incidently' had to take over because the person who was handling that account left. Okay-fine!!

I've been working here for about a month, and I'm still a junior, and furthermore I'm not very used and sure of the procedures here and all, and still the stupid management isn't getting someone to help me!! How can i handle all 9 Accounts by myself??

I tell you how!!!

BY WORKING TILL 5 IN THE FUCKING MORNING!!!!

For ONE freaking account, i took a fucking 5 exhausting hours to do because the stupid clients in that stupid company is so freaking stupid and so freaking slow that they need freaking 4 hours to freaking approve one freaking Ad!!

Because i was rushing for 6 freaking ads for them (which i proudly managed to it all by myself to meet the deadline today) i pushed away all my other tasks. I didn't had the time to have a decent meal, or rather - anything to eat (my last meal was at 12PM) All i did the whole day today was rushing in and out from the office for meetings after meetings, getting screwed by everyone, calling the fucking stupid clients every 10 minutes and fucking them because they were taking so fucking long to do one simple thing.

And to make matter worst, the things that i was rushing for isn't even my account. It's one of the stupid account which i was forced to take over!!

Can you believe it??

The fucking guts the management has to do this to me!! Can't they open their fucking eyes and see i'm fucking dying here??!!!!!

You know, i don't know why sometimes some people can be so shockingly stupid. As in really, really stupid. They ask me stupid questions until i had to think properly if i got the question right. I feel so stupid when they ask me stupid questions, make me feel like i'm more stupid than them. Which can't happen.

Have you ever heard of this question - "Hey, you very busy ahhh??" when clearly and obviously you are. At that point, i'm already so freaking busy and trying to concentrate and when i heard my colleague asking me that, i don't know wether i should scream, laugh or cry.

Or when you already explained something to the client, on the phone and in an email and their confirmation for everything, and you're preparing to close the job, then they call you up and ask, "Why like this wan ah....."

I feel like.." OMG!!! WOMAN!! HAVE YOU BEEN LISTENING, OR PAYING ANY FUCKING ATTENTION TO ME WHEN I'M TALKING TO YOU OR HAVE YOU READ MY EMAILS???!!!!!!!"

At 11 plus, when i finally finished with the 6 stupid ads, i just stared at my wall and my desk (and the huge stack of papers, files, tissues, cigeratte buds, cups, coffee stains and stationaries on my desk) I felt like crying, and screaming..and i don't know..just feel so damn fucked up..

A Perfect Image

Written by: funnyface86

Sometimes i wonder what you're thinkin
What you're feeling
When you're staring so deeply into my eyes

I can just imagine your breath on my skin
Your hand touching me
An image so clear yet dreamy in my mind

I wish i can just close my eyes
And you're beside me,
Holding me, Loving me

It is an image
So beautiful
And so perfect

I'm tired..i'm so so tired.

And so, so depressed.

What would you do if you have a huge crush on your account director who sits just next to you at work, who has a gf and is 10 years older than you?

Ha...i don't know what to do man.... he's so damn freaking confusing. One minute he's so hot, the next minute he's so cold. First, he flirts with me, showing me all these signs and making me all bubbly and excited. The next minute, he treats me only like a colleague and blowing me off.

Like, he's trying to screw up my mind.

See la, fucking mind games again.

Sometimes i wonder if all men think alike. Maybe when they were born, God inserted this little magnetic chip inside their head. Of course, this magnetic chip causes all men to SUCK at expressing their feelings.

With this little magnetic chip, men all around the world are able to manipulate, cheat, lie, and snake their way though and out from problems.We never realize that all men are the same, because since young, God inserted this magnetic chip inside our heads to BRAINWASH us that NOT ALL MEN ARE THE SAME.

Thus, this causes us women to keep forgiving men and eating in all ther lame excuses, thinking, "Not all men are the same. He's for real this time. He's changed."

Bullshit.

Friday night, after the Client's event at KL Hilton (which by the way was sooooo incredibly fun ad exciting and so grown up!!) I was on the way home when he called. And he was drunk and he said he has 'nobody' and he wants to see me and he's so fucking drunk and everything.

I was like..."He's lying. He just wants to play with your feelings. All he wants is SEX." I then can imagine myself as a supermarket scanner, old and grey ans still alone. SO then with every courage i have left inside me, i said "Ok..come over, and we'll talk things through okay?"

Then he said he'll be at my place about 3.30. So, i wated and waited...and waited... and the mother fucking bastard never showed up!!! I freaked out at first, i was so worried if he had an accident, or he got stopped by a police or something!! Even imagined he got kidnapped by a bunch of horny aliens!!

I waited and waited till like 5AM, tried calling him a million times!! Left like 10,000 voice mails coz that FUCKER turned off his phone.

Until today, tat bastard still hasn't called me, or even had the decency to let me know he's ok, or that he's sorry. Or watever shit. But he's okay. He's doing fine. In fact, he's doing great. He's online now. MSN. Probably flirting with some girls trying to get them to have an one night stand with him, that son of a bitch.

I think, he only called me and said how much he needs me and all those shit just to see if i would say yes. That loser!!

I really wish some horny aliens will kidnap him.

This morning as i was numbly changing into my working clothes (I didn't sleep last night, mind you) my mum came into my room and u know what she did....????

She opened my bag and took out my ciggerate box and i thought..."Hoo boy...there she goes again, prob going to give me another hour long lecture about smoking."

But to my amazement, she took out a cigeratte and smiled oh-ever so sweetly to me and said, "I take one yeah? I only smoke 1 cigg a day."

I was like... "Uhhh...yeah, sure."

Unbelievable.

My mum, after all these time of telling me not to smoke, actually took a ciggerate from me!

Amazing.

What a surprise change for this brand new year.

I hate it when people fucks with my mind. It’s so freaking frustrating and it irritates the shit out of me. Mind games. Annoying childish fucking mind games. Guys are good in that. In fact, they are great in that!!

So when a friend mentioned that I, me, moi, mua am playing a fucking childish mind games, I was stunned. Shocked. Even confused. Me? Mind games? That so doesn’t go together. It’s like eating durians with lasagna. Strawberries with fried onions. It’s so wrong!!

“Michelle, if you don’t stop playing mind games, and messing around with people’s heads and feelings, sooner or later you’ll run out of poor lil’ bastards to play around with.”

WHAT?

I don’t play mind games.

That’s so not me.

I’m an angel. You can refer to my resume.

“Wha…what you mean by mind games? I don’t screw around with peoples’ minds or feelings.”

Then, I was given the most sarcastic look of all. Man, that hurts.

I started the conversation complaining that I haven’t found anyone interesting or worth thinking about since like…forever!! My comforting friend then told me I’m the world’s most fussy, picky and fucking mind-wrecking and head-screwing bitch he’s ever known.

I took that with dignity. I tried arguing, and then defending myself but then I realized.. my friend was right. Well..a little.

I guess for the past few months, I’ve been..well..either too occupied with work or too occupied scanning through every guy I just met like a scanner in a supermarket. Well, a girl can’t help but be more careful. With all the losers and creeps I’ve met throughout my life, I just have to make sure I don’t get myself locked up in another fucked up relationship again.

But maybe I’m just hoping for too much. The thing is, I was deeply hurt in the past ‘so-called-relationship’ that I had with this guy whom I thought could and would be the guy of my dreams. That’s when he started messing around with my feelings, playing silly mind games with me..making me sit at home and wondering when he’ll call or if he’s gonna call at all. Will he kiss me and make my knees go weak again? Will he make me smile with just a simple message?

All those mind-wrecking thoughts and questions were flowing in and out of my head. I was sore, heart-broken, depressed and even angry when I fnally came to my senses and made the decision that he’s just another player. Someone that would only want me for a company and nothing more. Someone he can treat more than a friend when he’s ‘up to it’ and just a friend when he feels like it. And sometimes even… treats me like I’m nothing at all…just because he can.

No one really knew how badly hurt I was during that period of time, partly because I never told anyone how I really felt about him and also because I covered it up so well, that my friends all thought I was over him within a day. But, I hurt a long time, and I still hurt till now.

Maybe because of that incident, I promised myself to never ever hurt again, never allow myself to be played around with and end up looking and feeling like a fool for a guy… it was all just too much.

And maybe my friend was right, I was being a little too picky and suspicious whenever I meet someone new. I’m just afraid I would get hurt again. But maybe it’s time for me to realize that not all guys are the same.

And that I should stop being a supermarket scanner.

The past 3 days at work has been really busy. With one of the Client's event launch next week, 24 hours a day doesn't seem enough. Not to mention it's now at the end of the year, and with the 2 days holiday next week- everything needs to be done and approved like, now now now!!

I'm poofed. Seriously am. But i'm not complaining, i mean, i have already expected things to be like this and am already used to the usual deadlines, being patient with Client's funny and unreasonable demands and questions. It's kinda fun, actually.. when work ends (technically) at 6PM, and the office quiets down a little, colleagues and i will sit and gossip and bitch about how ridiculous and stubborn our Clients behaved today. You know, the gossip updates.

With New Year's Eve just 2 days away, I'm kinda excited yet a little sad and surprised that this year is going to end like this. I never expected it to end this way. Why, i expected my year 2006 to end with me getting hooked with a guy that has Brad Pitt's looks, Rain's hot body and Cuba Gooding Jr.'s fabulous smile. But of course, that never happened. In fact, it was far from it. I didn't even get hooked up with anyone. Not anyone.

Amazingly, i'm not sad. I'm not frustrated or anything. Just somehow, i feel a little lonely inside. Seeing my friends being happy with their partners, i feel a little... abandoned? I love being single. I love my independence too much to lose it once again just for someone. But i know i have to be honest with myself and admit that i do feel hurt once in a while, especially when i'm dead bored at home and having no plans to go out with my friends coz they're with their partners. Jealousy perhaps.

Oh God..i don't know. Guess i just have to take something and lose another thing. Independence or love? Few months back and i would have chosen my independence without having a second thought.

Now...? I don't know..

ok, first of all - Happy Belated Merry Christmas.

(That doesn't sound right)

I know, i know, i haven't been updating my blog for these past few days, and it's not that i didn't want to..but i had no time. Really. Seriously!!

With work, Christmas and everything in between i was kinda busy. You know, something like Rush Hour.

Ho Ho.

Well, I'm pleased with my Christmas gifts this year: Guess handbag, Versace Perfume & Powder Set, Estee Lauder Perfume, Poh Kong White Gold, U2 blouses.

:)

Christmas is fun.

Omg, i feel like surrendering myself to my bed for the rest of my life. Today has been such a headache.

Imagine this - meeting from 11.30 AM to 3.45 PM. No lunch, seated on a hard and uncomfortable chair in a freaking cold room - without a ciggie break. Total mental and health torture.

After the dreadful 4 hours and 15 minutes meeting, i rushed back upstairs only to find out, to my dismay, there are like 15 million emails from 10 thousand different clients. Just reading each and every one of the emails were a pain to the eye and the head, not to mention replying each and every freaking mail.

There i was, seated in front of the boring monitor, i started to think and count how many things i had to do today, and how many freaking hours if not days it's going to take lil' poor me to finish everything.

Part of me want to cry because i know tonight is going to be another slepless night, and part of me want to laugh because i have the painful thought of me going crazy.

So anyways, i decided that i have to finish it by today, no matter what so might as well get started or i'll end up working till like..7 am tomorrow. So, i forced a smile on my face, and started doing my work when my superior (who has been getting more and more irritating by the passing minutes) started to give me more and more work to do.

I was stoned, drained, disturbed, annoyed and very very bitter. It slowly started to register to me that i'm not going to finish everything by today and i'm probably gonna be working non-stop till like next month.

At first, i thought my superior had tons of other things to do as well, then when i think back of the WIP (work in progress) yesterday and remembered that everything we discussed yesterday have already been done (by me, nevertherless) and i'm doing everything we discussed today!!

So??!!!! Wat the fuck was she doing? Oh - she was (and probably still is, that bitch) sitting at the couch gossiping with another colleague.

Gasp!!

Gossiping??!!!!!!!

SO NOT FAIR!!!!!!!!!

I'm only 6 days old here (working here for 6 days) it's lawfully wrong and cruel to make me go through so much shit! UNFAIR!!

I want a lawyer. Where's my lawyer??!!!!!!

I know you are probably wondering then why the hell am i still wasting my time writing an entry when i should be working. I rationalize with myself and decided - hey, I'm going to be awake for the next 2 - 3 weeks finishing all this shit anyways, why not slack a little?

Hehe.

I still want my lawyer though.

I'm not a person who makes a big fuss out of everything. I don't make a mountain out of a mothhill. I don't create or want any more unecessery dramas or disturbing situations going on in my life. Trust me, i have enough. More than enough.

So, when i went to get my palm read last weekend by the 'ball ball man', and found out someone cursed me, someone casted a black magic spell on me, what did i do?

I freaked out.

I whined.

I complained.

I stoned.

I went in and out of hysterical moment.

I made it sound like it was the end of the world.

And it actually seemed like it was.

I'm not a bad person. I don't lie (too much), I don't cheat, I don't betray anyone, I don't play anyone's heart, I don't roll my eyes and look down on anyone. (Ookay, maybe the rolling eye bit is partly accurate) But, tell me - does that deserve a BLACK MAGIC??

To make things worst, I was told next year would be the worst year of my life (sounds nice to hear, ain't it?) How so? Well, let me explain - my friends betray and backstab me, I get screwed in-out-left-right-top-bottom-centre at work, I will be FINANCIALLY BROKE (like i'm not broke enough as it is) and I will get myself into many, let me repeat - many dramas and unecessary situations!!

Sweet.

Very sweet.

Perfect in fact.

Let me just say that I'm really looking forward to year 2007.

The year of TOTAL DOOM!!

A heart is not a play thing,

A heart is not a toy,

But if you want it broken,

Just give it to a boy.

Boys they like to play with things,

To see what makes them run,

But when it comes to kissing,

They do it just for fun.

You will wonder where he is at night,

You will wonder if he's true,

One moment you will be happy,

One moment you will be blue.

If you get a chance to see him,

Your heart begins to dance.

Your life revolves around him,

There's nothing like romance.

And then it starts to happen,

You worry day and night.

You see, my friend, you're losing him.

It never turns out right.

Boys are great though immature.

The price you pay is high,

He may seem sweet and gorgeous,

But remember, he's a guy.

Don't fall in love with just a boy.

That takes a lot of nerve.

You see, my friend, you need a man

To get what you deserve.

So, when you think you're in love,

Be careful if you can.

Before you give your heart away,

Make sure that he's a man!

Couldn't help it. This poem is too true. Needed to post it!

              Well, 2nd day at a new job and things are going fine. There's nothing much to do here, although i have like 8 different accounts. And i guess I'm kinda shocked, considering how much work i was force-fed just a few months back. Talk about culture shock.

              It's pretty nice working here and i think i'm going to have a great time. I hope.

              Things have been really, weird lately. I don't know. It's just odd that i actually left my dream job to work in a smaller, more low-profile agency (and pays less) that I'm actually considering to fully move to Australia after my studies (migrate??) that i am actually ignoring and avoiding the guy that i used to like so much because i was pissed off with him for one incident (but hey, it's all HIS fault) and that my ex-girlfriend is still contacting me in hopes that i will give in for another try.

              The thing is, i really don't know what i want. I feel like i'm going around in circles trying to get a better view of my life. I need like, a sign. A miracle. Maybe God will take pity on me and make me a millionaire.