MaDD Blogger

Questions that will always remain unanswered.

I found this list on eBaum's World and thought it would be fun to attempt to answer it's questions http://www.ebaumsworld.com

1. How do blind people know when they are done wiping?
I have a friend Brian who has been legally blind since childhood and according to him you just know. I normally wipe till it feels clean back there and take my chances.

2. Could it be that all those trick-or-treaters wearing sheets aren't going
as ghosts but as mattresses?
Yes but I live in the south so they could also be dressed as Klansmen

3. If a mute swears, does his mother wash his hands with soap?
I went to school with a mute girl named Amy who used to sign swear words at the other kids when she got pissed. Her mother found out and gave her a pretty good ass whooping!

4. Is there another word for synonym?
No but there are two "equivalent word" - Two words that can be interchanged in a context are said to be synonymous relative to that context

5. Isn't it a bit unnerving that doctors call what they do practice?
It is often called the "practice of medicine" because it is not an exact science and doctors tend to get better over time. This is also why it takes years of schooling to even be a doctor. Anybody that has an HMO will tell you that some doctors are just better than others. Of course you can always be like me and take your chances at the free clinic.

6. If the "black box" flight recorder is never damaged during a plane
crash, why isn't the whole airplane made out of that stuff?
This joke has been told by several comedians including Jerry Seinfeld,Dana Carvey and Chris Rock on his old HBO show. The first time I heard the joke it was from Seinfeld and then Carvey on SNL. The only reason the box survives at all is because it is small and compact and despite the earlier statement sometimes the box is so damaged that you can't recover the info from it. Even if a plane was made of indestructible metal most people wouldn't survive a crash of over 30,000 feet.

7. If a parsley farmer is sued, can they garnish his wages?
I was born in Alabama the grandson of a farmer. Since the farmer is working for himself there would be no check to garnish since you get paid by collecting your crops and selling them for cash at a farmers market or Co-Op. Here in the south we have a lot of farmers that sell fruits and vegetables right from the back of their trucks. If you did sue a parsley farmer and he couldn't pay up you could seize his property and auction it off until you got your money.

8. Would a fly without wings be called a walk?
Some people keep ducks as pets and clip their wings to prevent flight but that doesn't make them dogs now does it?

9. Why do they lock gas station bathrooms? Are they afraid someone will
clean them?
Nope the doors are locked because of the stupid shit that people do in public restrooms. When I worked at Exxon people would pisse all over the floor,throw shit against the walls,put an entire roll of toilet paper in the toilet and even break the key in the door so no one else could use the bathroom. Asking for the key slows some of this down because the person is often shy about coming back after they've trashed the bathroom because they know they were filmed asking for the key in the first place. If you know people like this do the world a favor and put a bullet in their head. Their anti-social behavior is one of the common traits shared by serial killers so better to snuff them out now just to be on the safe side.

10. If the police arrest a mime, do they tell him he has the right to remain silent?
Yes all U.S. police are required to give Miranda rights to anyone placed under arrest to advise them of their legal rights.

11. Why do they put Braille on the drive-through bank machines?
I wondered this myself until I took Brian to the bank after hours. He sat behind the drivers seat we pulled up and the braille allowed him to use the machine with very little help from me.

12. If man evolved from monkeys and apes, why do we still have monkeys and apes?
While apes and monkeys are genetic cousins Great apes are as much evolved from monkeys as we are from them. There is only a 2 percent difference between human and ape DNA. As far back as 16 million years ago it is believed that there were as many as 100 different species of apes. Evolutionists believe that at least one of these species of apes is the "missing link" and evolved into Cro-magnum. The other species died out or continued to evolve into todays modern apes alongside man.

13. How do they get the deer to cross at that yellow road sign?
They don't. The deers grazing and breeding patterns are tracked by scientists and the local bureaus of wildlife fish and game. The most heavily crossed areas are marked as deer crossings. The signs are there to alert oncoming drivers of the deers presence in the area to prevent accidents.

14. What was the best thing before sliced bread?
Sliced bread was first offered for sale in Chillicothe, Missouri. The earliest press release was July 7, 1928 in the Kansas City Constitution-Tribune a product of the Chillicothe Baking Company, it was sliced on a machine called the Rohwedder Bread Slicer. Invented by Iowa inventor, Otto Rohwedder, the bread slicer was then put into practice in 1928 in beautiful downtown Chillicothe. But if I'm forced to pick what is greater than sliced bread if would have be Bell's invention of the telephone in 1876. His invention has sparked todays modern tech boom. Think about it the first modern computers used a phone line and many still do. The phone is still being reinvented over and over again made smaller and faster. You can check your email on your phone now and surf the web and play downloaded games soon you'll be able to download a TV show and watch it on your cell phone and this is 130 years after it's invention!

15. If one synchronized swimmer drowns, do the rest drown too?
Sadly no,but at least you can change the channel.

16. Why is there an expiration date on sour cream?
Sour cream is made from cream that is allowed to sour naturally or at least it used to be. Like anything organic it can spoil past the point of safe human consumption.

17. If you try to fail, and succeed, which have you done?
Both

18. Whose cruel idea was it for the word "Lisp" to have a "S" in it?
A lisp is a Functional Speech Disorder. A functional speech disorder is a difficulty learning to make a specific speech sound, or a few specific speech sounds. Problems saying 's', 'z, 'r', 'l' and 'th' are common in functional speech disorders. If they use it at all, speech-language pathologists usually use the lay term "Lisp" to refer to a difficulty achieving the correct tongue position when pronouncing the /s/ and /z/ sounds.

19. Why are hemorrhoids called "hemorrhoids" instead of "asteroids"?
The word “hemorrhoids” comes from the Greek word “haimorrhoides” which means flowing with blood which hemorrhoids are full of. It is the overswelling of blood veins by the anus that causes this painful condition so in this case the name is quite appropriate.

It's been a blast finding the answers to these questions and I hope you enjoyed reading them. Let me know what you think.