MaDD Blogger

Liar Liar....!

{ Posted by Dorothy :) }
{ 8:01 AM, 3/27/2008 } { Posted in Self-esteem } { 0 comments } { Link }

Liar liar...pants on fire....

As children we had already little rhymes that taught us that lies were not a good thing.

Lying, as any learned behavior is a very bad habit as are any negative habits... there are many reasons that people lie.
To lie with deliberation is definitely a control of one being self served.
Lying with out deliberation is where the habit has become a part of that persons way of life, being undeliberate now, which I beleive is even worse, because a person that is a habitual liar cannot not even differentiate reality from non reality. This person is dangerous and can be very confusing to live with.
Drug/alcohol addicts will fall into this lying area more than the controlled one because of the merry-go-round they are on. Lying becomes a way of survival and they will do it with pure passion and need to feed thier hunger.

IS lying a necessary part of life?
Hmmmm... Lets think about where we began:
When we are babies, do we lie?
Do we learn to play the game of control then?
Do babies cry because they know that they will be served through that action, or are they taught that crying will be self-serving?
Children will lie when they are taught that they can get away with something through that type of manipulation, or when they are lied too.
I remember when I was taught to lie...I went to the store for my mother and had change, with that change I bought a candy...when I went home, my mother asked me why I was ten cents short, and she continued..saying that if I tell her the truth I will not be scolded, so I told her the truth and she punished me severely.
Now unfortunately that was when my trust went down the tubes and from that point on, I lied in certain cases to protect myself.
A couple of not so good behaviours were taught to me from that one incident...I learnt to lie when I had to and I also learnt that my mother could not be trusted with her words.
From that day on, I learnt to play the game.
White lies as opposed to black lies: does that mean that white lies are good and black lies are bad?
Is that saying that lying has a positive means?
It can be very confusing, as most humans are.
A lie is a lie I have always tried to teach my children. When you lie to protect yourself it is still in a sense, self-serving which we are taught is wrong?
To lie to deceive another is definitely clearly wrong.
I would say that there are definitely gray areas when it comes to telling lies. But that it is not a necessary to life.

It depends on the person and their conscience. I know some people that could not tell a lie if their lives depended on it and I know people that will lie and will follow that lie with justification that they will bet their lives on.

I beleive it is a true learned behaviour as are so many of our negative emotions.
Also if we lived in a perfect world, would we ever have to feel like we have to lie?
Our world is full of negativity and elements of trickery and sometimes in order to battle these wars we need to use weapons that are not so positive to fight them.

We will never be able to control nor understand others in their methods to their madness. Live and let live is my way of thinking. We are only responsible for what we can control, that being our own minds and intentions!

Life can be confusing enough in our own little corners without trying to solve the worlds confusions.
Pandora Boxes are definitely a good brain twister and does wake up a lot of sleeping giants in Jacks beanstalk

In any case practising and sharing positive habits and honesty will invite positive habits and honesty in return.

As Lyfe Jennings sings,"When you are trying to do positive things, positive results have got to follow"

Thats all I have to say about that!!!

Huggggzzzzz~D~!

Bullying !! Where does it begin? Where does it end?

{ Posted by Dorothy :) }
{ 5:49 PM, 3/16/2008 } { Posted in Self-esteem } { 1 comments } { Link }

We were born into a safe world...only knowing the sound of our mother and father maybe even a sibling.

We feared nothing, we hated no one, we trust everything and everyone that we recognized.
We cried only when our bodies told us that we are in hunger or in pain.
We did not know the pain and loneliness of words...YET!
We grew in trust and belief in our early years because we had nothing else to compare our lives with YET!

Why does this safe world and total feeling of healthy self-worth and self-esteem stop?

The we enter our first year in the education system...all of a sudden things become contrary to what we knew up to then. We hear how different life can be in different households. We see how different others dress, eat and act towards others. We begin to grow away from our nest.

We move forward and continue into another year, then another, all along gathering memories of life as we experience it in the world of growth. Some memories are good and some are not so good. Some of us are strong enough to stand up to the negativity we experience and move along smoothly. Others are not so strong and fall into a whirlwind of abuse cycles called bully-ism and the abuse that goes along with that.

We fear not being accepted and then we fear that if we do not allow the abuse from the bullies that we will never get any attention ever from them. So in turn we allow the abuse. We become our own abusers of sorts. WE become driven to gain an acknowledgment or acceptance of any kind just to feel that we are alive in their eyes.

What do these bully's have over us, that we will allow, even welcome the abuse? Abuse that takes form in so many ways, whether it be physical, name calling, hazing, ridiculing and/or sexual harassment.

Where do these bullies come from?

Where do they learn to hurt and hate just in the name of fun?

What about the kids that just follow along because of their fear of not being accepted? Are they bullies too?

There are many sides to this horrible world of bullies and victims. The bully had to learn or not learn civilized treatment of others somewhere. As I mentioned in the beginning of this article, we were born without hate and fear.

Where did the victim loose their sense of self-respect?

Their strength to stand up and say STOP or NO?

These are questions that we must find the answers to if we are ever going to begin to learn how to overcome the issue of bullying.

Our children are becoming bullies and victims because of how they feel about themselves inside and/or what they are perceiving is simply fun and games.

I have attached a story that comes from my community. This is way to close to home even for me.

Please read this and instead of reading the names of the children that you see...replace the names with your children's names.

Do not be fooled...this is a reality that your children and mine are living every day even if they do not make you aware of it.

*****************************************************************************************************************

Police: 3 DeLand school teens plotted murder

By ROSA RAMIREZ
Staff Writer DELAND -- Three DeLand Middle School students, including one who claimed to admire the shooters of the Columbine High School massacre, face felony charges for reportedly plotting to shoot classmates and then themselves, authorities said Friday.
The Volusia County Sheriff's Office took all three students -- two boys and a girl -- into custody and is charging them with conspiracy to commit murder. The three seventh-graders have been transported to the Volusia Regional Juvenile Detention Center in Daytona Beach, sheriff's spokesman Gary Davidson said.

The teens were identified by authorities as Austin Mohr, Tyler Christian and Charlene Russell, all 13. Davidson said the State Attorney's Office will determine if the teens will be charged as juveniles or adults.

Davidson said the plot was uncovered March 5 after a student who was not involved received a text message from Austin Mohr saying he wanted to shoot students at the school during lunch break. The teen who received the instant message told a family member, and the adult notified authorities.

Mohr posed as a 19-year-old boy on a MySpace Web page with "satanic references, a picture of a tombstone and other disturbing images," Davidson said in a statement.

Mohr had also posted on the social network site that he admired two shooters responsible for the 1999 massacre at Columbine High School in Colorado.

In the text message, Mohr directed his rage against two students, in particular, but went on to say he would kill "every person I see . . . The massacre will happen soon."

The teen, who claimed he was being teased and picked on at school, wrote that he wanted to lock the cafeteria door during one of the lunch periods and shoot people there, authorities said.

"The good news is that several people did the right thing along the way," Davidson said Friday during a news briefing at the middle school. "It enabled us to begin the investigation very quickly. The (principal) was instrumental in identifying some of the students involved in the conspiracy."

Showing up at the news briefing, Charlene Russell's sister, Melissa, 16, said her sister "has never been like this before."

Melissa Russell said her sister was in choir, made good grades and was on the honor roll. But after breaking up with her boyfriend, she "just has been talking about doing nothing."

Charlene Russell feels bad and would take it back if she could, her sister said. After Austin Mohr started talking about plans for the shooting, Charlene Russell "went along with it because she didn't know what else to do," Melissa Russell said.

Days earlier, Melissa Russell said, her sister lay on a set of railroad tracks in Orange City and had to be pulled away minutes before a train rolled by.

Attempts to reach relatives of the other teens were not successful Friday evening.

After the threats came to light, all three students received mental-health evaluations, Davidson said, including one who was taken into a facility under the state's Baker Act.

"The investigators determined the students did not appear to have weapons or means to carry out the threats," he said.

The students were automatically removed from the school when the plot was uncovered, Davidson said.

Volusia County Schools spokeswoman Nancy Wait said DeLand Middle School Principal Matt Krajewski sent a message to parents after news of the events was released Friday, stressing that students' safety on campus was not compromised at any time.

"We learned a lot from Columbine, and one of the lessons was to listen and take action," Wait said.

Wait said the students meet weekly for 20 minutes during homeroom to talk about bullying on campus.

"This school has a very strong anti-bullying campaign," Wait said.

rosa.ramirez@news-jrnl.com

~D~

DorothyL@womensselfesteem.com

MIND GAMES!

{ Posted by Dorothy :) }
{ 11:57 AM, 3/10/2008 } { 0 comments } { Link }

Have you ever been caught up in a thought that will not let you out?
Escape is not an option.
What was a simple drip in your pool of thoughts, quickly turned into an ocean of tidal waves rolling into each other, over and over again. This is what it feels like to not have positive control over your mind.
Our minds often repeat hurtful thoughts or scenarios over and over, even when we'd much rather let them go. If you start really listening to your inner voice, you are probably dwelling on the past, remembering how someone may have let you down or how much anger you still hold back from being hurt. If you fear the challenges that are waiting for you or you are ashamed at where you are now in your life as compared to where you had planned on being, these fears will definitely be in line to play the mind game on you. All of these insecure or hurtful emotions that you once tucked away will come back to play when the game begins. The problem is, when they come back, you will not recognize them and this will be your first bad move. Now the mind game begins.

The game is of the mind, to confuse you in your thought process. When your mind is triggered even slightly by a word, a picture, or even a look what we want to do is to think positive, nice, sweet and safe thoughts. If you have the slightest opening in your mind the game will begin. It will take a thought and wait for your first emotional weakness. Then it will twist that thought and magnify it so that it feeds on that weakness and sends you into that ugly world of negative thinking.

You would give anything to shake off these negative thoughts, but we all know so well that it's easier said than done. Instead you struggle through your day feeling like you are a freak and that if you do not get a grip on this mind game and soon you will explode. All that you want is to be free of negative thoughts and be happy all the time.

You spend a lot of time thinking over negative feelings and sulking over regrets and misfortunes. The worst part is that the more you try to end this horrible game that twists your brain so tight, the worse it gets. You will try to avoid your hidden shames and worries or drown them with alcohol or drugs. All that happens when that little fix-it ends is that the mind game becomes stronger.
New thoughts continue, the game attacks again only to turn those thoughts against you. You can feel them escalate into negative scenarios in your mind, but at this point powerless. The power of the game is winning and you are now in the believing stage of the game. Your mind now believes your negative thoughts. You are forced to react and through this reaction the mind game soars and takes over even further. Now it not only controls you but it has also taken control of your entire world and whoever is in it at the time. You collapse from the draining feeling of failure once again. You feel that you will never be able to win this mind game. You feel that you will be a pawn for the rest of your days on earth. A doormat and a bug to stepped on over and over again because of your inability to gain strength and take control of your positive mind. So why not just give in? Why not just bow down whenever you fail to think positive thoughts? Well, I will tell you why you do not want to do that!

You are a human being with a heart and a brain. You were given the ability to feel emotions. Emotions such as: self-respect, self-esteem, humor, love, laughter, sexuality, self-confidence but most of all you were given intelligence and the will to survive. You were given the gift of life. Those are the reasons to fight. How to fight is also right there in front of you.

You are already aware of the mind game. Most of you have played it so long that you should be the champions by now. I have talked about habits many times and I will keep talking about them. Through habits you can defeat many of those mind games. Try to simplify your thoughts. The stronger the game tries to twist them the harder you work to shrink them.

I read about an interesting way to look at this. Think of your thoughts as a pop-up ad on your computer. You see it and then you don`t. Or it pops up and you simply delete it without giving it a second thought. Even if it was a negative pop-up you spend no time at all analyzing where it came from, you simply carry on with what you were doing. This is a good way to play, and win the game. Also another way to play and win is when your thought begins to twist through the negative game, start to vocalize it. Sing it quietly to yourself or hum outloud. This will confuse the game, and throw it off track. Immediately when you get a thought that seems to be fair game think of something very funny or a very sad movie that made you cry. A very good habit is to change your thought track. The game cannot keep up when the track is jumped. Be aware that your mind is a game field but you have to play it in order to win. If you do not play you will lose by defeat. SAD!!!

So my words to you is this : KICK IT`S BUTT!!!!!!!

~D~
DorothyL@womensselfesteem.com

ME! ME! ME!

{ Posted by Dorothy :) }
{ 6:43 AM, 3/3/2008 } { Posted in Self-esteem } { 1 comments } { Link }

Sorry to say, it is NOT all about YOU!

ME! ME! ME!

If your thoughts are constantly focused on the word, 'ME', then you are already on a downward spiral to a very lonely, depressed cycle of thinking.
Whether you are aware of it or not yet, you will wake up one day and spend every waking hour searching for answers to why you feel so depressed, lonely, rejected and full of negative feelings.
Who knows why some of us feel that the world should revolve around us. I have met many, many people that truly, and sincerely believe that they are the center of everyone's day. I myself also can take claim to that feeling of importance. It may be because our parents have raised us to believe that or we may have interpreted it through experiences in our lives. Somewhere we were made to believe that it is all about, 'ME'.
It is one of the most crushing realities when we are faced with the harsh fact that we are not in any way shape or form anyone else's responsibility in feeling like we are important. It is up to us to make ourselves feel important to us. We are so in control over how we feel that it is amazing how many people continue to struggle and cannot understand that what they are searching for what is right in front of their eyes and in their own mind of thought.

Have you ever heard the song, "One is a lonely number"? Well it is a very lonely number.
When you feel like you are suppose to be the number one focus on everyones thoughts or actions, and you find that you are not, it is a very lonely feeling. You are in fact the only one that is standing there feeling rejected and hurt when the other people have no idea whats going on inside of you.
They are merrily going through their rhythm of life without any idea that you are expecting to be their center of attention.
When you spend time dressing sexy for your partner and greet them at the door and they do not acknowledge you, your first thought is ...ME!!! You instantly feel that you have been rejected and ignored, that you went out of your way to please this person and it was totally unseen and unappreciated.
ME...ME...ME again.
Just maybe that person had a very bad day and was looking forward to a few minutes of space to collect their thoughts. Or maybe that other person seriously was thrown off guard and did not know what to say or do which embarrassed them. Also that person could have been expecting you to see them as your center point and read their minds. You are not the only person that has fallen into the 'ME' habit!

Another good example is when someone doesn't answer you in the way that you expect, you feel totally emotionally discombobulated and your first defense is to wonder if that person is mad at you or if you said the wrong thing ect. Better yet, you take what was said and you allow it to control your entire world because it was not what you wanted to hear. ME...ME....ME again!
It may just be that they had a bad day once again or that their preoccupied with something else at that very minute. There really was no negative intention there at all.

If we are not thinking ...ME ....ME...ME all of the time, then we would not get caught in that trap of confusion and feelings of rejection.
Learning to think away from the, 'ME' habit is not hard. It is yet another bad habit that controls our thoughts and only allows negative ones in. It does however take realization and a desire to really find a happier you!
You are probably thinking..."Ok...so how exactly does one get to this point in their thinking where they do not immediately feel that they were a target of a personal attack?" ME....ME....ME!

What I am going to tell you is basically obvious and has been said many times. I can only hope that through my words and thoughts you will actually absorb it and apply it to YOUR LIFE!

**Stop thinking about how you are feeling right now and get into the habit of asking that other person how they feel or if they are comfortable with certain surroundings!
**Listen first, think second, replay what you just heard third and then respond through a positive filter!
Nothing is ever gained by responding negatively or selfishly to others.
**Do NOT play the blame game. Again it serves no good purpose to look for blame in how others think!
**Stop taking everything personally...remember that there are two or more people in this world and it may not be all about YOU!
**Accept that there are going to be those days when you are actually a target of someones bad day. Accepting that before hand will allow you to be prepared to get up and keep moving forward. Remember...dry dirt always falls off!
**Understand rejection...do not take it as a personal attack...everyone has a choice in life...you may just not be their choice! It is a matter of what each person feels is best for them...it is not just about YOU!
**If you feel that a certain conversation is going bad....instead of following it towards that direction, take control and steer it towards a more positive point of conversation!
** Learn breathing, it will help you to understand the movements of your thoughts. It will help you to automatically change your negative reactions to positive ones!
**Be aware of negative self-talk. You can easily fuel that fire if you are not careful of what you allow even yourself to stay stuck on!
**Learn the feeling of being stuck on an issue...take lead on those runaway thoughts. Again, listen, think, replay then react!
**If you feel that you cannot answer a question, do not feel that it is a test of your intelligence, simply say you do not have the answer. There is nothing wrong with admitting that you are not perfect. It is not all about YOU!
**Every person on this earth has the same right to be here as you do. There is no one more special than another. There is only one person that you should depend on and that is YOU!

It is hard to accept the fact that we are not number one to others!
It is hard to be put in a position of feeling that we are and then losing it!
It is damn hard building up our self-esteem day in and day out, when there is always going to be something or someone that will challenge it with or without intentions.
Who ever said that life was going to be an easy, free ride?
When you can learn to stop whining and looking for things to put yourself down with, then you can finally get on with living a free and happy life.
We are not always going to have good hair days, but then we are not always going to have bad hair days either!

If we do not start to understand that it is our happiness and our self-esteem is our responsibility then we will never enjoy what life offers. We will sit there on a merry-go-round and watch everyone else laugh, live, and enjoy.
And guess what....they will do all of that without us. Who wants to drag around a dead weight, or invite a virus to a party?
Think about the type of person that you would like to spend time with....are you that type?

"Disciplining yourself to do what you know is right and importance, although difficult, is the highroad to pride, self-esteem, and personal satisfaction. " -Brian Tracey

You know what to do!
You know how to do it!
So....JUST DO IT!

Keep moving forward!
~D~
Contact me here: DorothyL@womensselfesteem.com
www.womensselfesteem.com

Forgiveness is the key to personal freedom!

{ Posted by Dorothy :) }
{ 1:40 PM, 2/27/2008 } { Posted in Abuse and Survival } { 0 comments } { Link }

What do you do when one has hurt you?
One that you have trusted and cared about in your life!

What do you do when life hits you blindsided and pulls you down so fast that you almost lose your breathe, not to mention your sense of reality?

Do you become a new friend of negative thinking and allow hate, disgust, bitterness even resentment to take over your thoughts?
I am here to tell you, " DO NOT do that!"

Do not allow negative thinking to hold you down under that weight of mistrust and the desire to hurt back. It will be a very long road to nowhere fun. Happiness is not at the end of that road!
The only thing that you will find is a need to avenge your pain and sorrows. You will be tricked into thinking that to hurt back is the only way to find closure or some sort of justice.

Again I am here to tell you, "DO NOT do that!"

There is not a person on earth that has not experienced mistrust, criticism or deception in one form or another. Whether it be from a partner, child, co-worker, girl-friend or even a neighbor. When one has been hurt by a close trusted person, that hurt goes into places deep inside of your heart. It is a hurt that is almost unbearable and you feel like your life has come close to an end.
If you give into that hurt and allow it to consume your thoughts, you will fall into a very ugly world of wanting to somehow pay back that person in either the same level of hurt or even a deeper hurt.

I have experienced and witnessed situations where many people including myself have allowed the negative thoughts to control and blur their thinking. It only ended up in disaster, ranging from divorce, suicide, murder, even verbal slander which we all know has its own
way of causing a very irreparable wound.

The only way to survive a mistrust is to take a step towards a positive remedy and that my dear readers is to learn to forgive.
To be able to forgive is the key that unlocks the doors to a
new world, a positive world.
To be able to let the old hurts go and move forward in YOUR
life is a must in this closure.
The newness of thoughts once forgiveness has been reached is what you are striving to achieve.
This is your goal.
A life without goals is like a life without purpose.
In order to get to that point, one must learn how to forgive.
Through practice and consistent positive actions and thoughts, your mind will eventually open up and allow forgiveness. Once you have decided to reach out and forgive, you will immediately feel weight lift. You will feel immediate results of freedom.

To hold onto the hurts and negative memories will only result
in further hurting one person and that person is YOU!
In any emotional trauma, to hold onto the nightmares and memories only creates a new abuser, that being our own selves.
Forgiveness is but a jumble of letters, it is a mere word. The
action of this word is the vital key involved in finding this new
freedom.
It is through an acceptance of a negative situation that has happened and is over and a commitment or decision to let it go forever, that will help you to learn how to replace the power of that negative trap.
It is also imperative to work on freeing yourself as quickly as
possible. The longer you dwell and hold onto hurt and mistrust, the farther and more out of control you will become from reaching forgiveness.
One more very important thought that will help you is, that by forgiving and moving on, in no way does this mean that what has happened to you was not a wrong doing or that the person that has hurt you should be free of guilt. Also, this positive move forward through forgiveness does not mean that you are excusing or reducing the action against you.
What it does mean is that you are allowing yourself the freedom to take control of your thoughts and move forward.
You are identifying with the fact that your act of forgiveness is
for YOU not the other person involved.
You have replaced your position as victim and prisoner which removes the power of the opposing person and event that caused so much despair.
You have taken your right of choice and have moved toward a healthier, happier pattern of thoughts which will create the freedom to live!

Remember, your choice to forgive has no bearing on how the
other person reacts, thinks or chooses to live. The choices you
make are for YOU and your happiness alone and for the freedom of thought.

" To Be Wronged Is Nothing Unless You Choose To Remember It"